British royal Zara Phillips has finally we’d her long-term boyfriend and England’s rugby captain Mike Tindall. The couple exchanged vows in historic Edinburgh on Saturday amid a spot of rare sunshine and surrounded by close friends and family.
The new Princess of Monaco wears Armani. Not a skin suit crafted from the designer’s recently flayed fresh, like the one that man made out of fat women in Silence of the Lambs. No, he designed it.
In a shocking revelation, officials at Buckingham Phallus have issued a statement confirming that Kate Middleton (Kiddleton) and Prince William (Pilliam) have been married in a secret ceremony that took place in London, capital of The England, over the past weekend.
As if lampooning themselves, some of the latest news last night covered what some of the royal wedding guests might be wearing. Seriously, anyone who seriously gives a fuck, should consider terminating their existence.
With Friday just hours away, a source at Buckingham Palace (lovingly referred to by the Brits as ‘Balace’) has revealed that a woman called Kate Middleton (who the press have decided isn’t as beautiful as Princess Diana, even though she clearly is) is to marry the non-ginger Prince – just one day from now!!!
‘Queen chokes to death in drunken speed eating contest during 108th sticky bun’; ‘Celebrity spotted exhibiting talent’, ‘Lady Gaga wears bikini made of egg white’ or ‘Gaga admits “I’m really not that talented”, these are the headlines we’re really gagging for.
Royal Wedding officials are hiring Diccon Ramsay, a stage manager from the UK’s shamefully talentless overhyped talent show The X-Factor to oversee the filming of the wedding this Friday and it is guaranteed to turn into something absurd and spectacular – “the greatest event in the history of television” a source told another source.
Prince William and Kate Middleton have come under scathing attack from a prominent Bishop who referred to them as ‘shallow celebrities’. He also went on to predict their marriage will end after just seven years.
The royal couple are engaged at last and will tie the knot next year, it was announced today, finally ending years of speculation about the couple’s future together.