Belgian Malinois is the secret hero of Bin Laden's fake death

The propaganda is still being spun after the much publicised and, as far as I’m concerned, fictional discovery and murder of Osama Bin Laden. The media treated us to a rare day of peace and quiet after his supposed death to allow a glorious victory for America and its premier, the do-nothing Barack Osama, er.. Obama to revel in the limelight and push desperately ailing popularity ratings right back up nearing a crucial election time.

With the backing of former president George W. Bush, or as I like to call him, “Fuckarse”, it seems the liberal minded, democratic republican is once again the golden boy.

Progress... Maybe, but not as expected Mr. President.

It now transpires that his credit stealing has been found out though as news today is claiming that the mastermind behind the operation wasn’t in fact Obama and top CIA bods but instead a Belgian Malinois whose identity must of course be kept secret to avoid violently deadly reprisals.

Having heard Obama speak without autocue I can safely say that a dog would indeed have more chance of pulling off this fictional coup than the not-black-not-white-but-still-America’s-first-black-president President.

Now before we get into a hot debate over the publishing of death pictures (or lack of) and Obama’s lame excuse about how they might be used as propaganda to incite violence against US citizens, or how all of a sudden all the talk is about revenge attacks by Al Qaeda operatives meaning that we can expect to see more terrorist activity which when explained will have so many holes in the story that people will be shouting “INSIDE JOB” for the next decade at least, let’s spare a thought for the poor dogs that are sent to war so that our leaders can sleep well at night with a clear consciense as they lie to us through their lying bastard teeth.

Belgian Malinois - he may be cute but he's a brute

A Belgian Malinois just like this one spearheaded the operation to capture Osama Bin Laden

Some of you may remember the dog who used to roam the American countryside making new friends everywhere he went. Well, seems that extremely popular character has inspired Navy Seals to employ a similar tactic.

For sake of argument let’s call it the ‘Hobo Effect’, whereby the US Navy has license to kill anyone they want, but because they use a fluffy dog with a nice face people say, “awwww” while contorting their faces into a sort of fawning-parent-cum-retard arrangement, instead of “awwwww my god they’re murdering people in cold blood.”

Yes these sniffer dogs are used in bomb disposal operations and the like, and they risk their lives every day in wars that aren’t even valid – especially Afghanistan.

Let’s put this into perspective.

A dog can be used to sniff people out if they’re holed up inside a building as has been confirmed by Major William Roberts, commander of the Defense Department’s Military Working Dog Center at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas who made the most obvious statement of the day, nay, possibly ever when he said: “Dogs are very good at detecting people inside of a building.”

I suppose next you’ll be telling us that rain is very good at making us wet as well.

My initial problem with this theory of ‘warm-hearted, beast triumphs of evil terrorist with cuteness’, is that Bin Laden’s compound was supposedly sealed up tighter than a goldfish’s sphincter, so how did a dog get in there to sniff him out?

You’re right, I could be speaking with extreme naivety, so by all means please explain that to me.

The dog in question is an explosives sniffer. Now, I’m no expert on terrorists but I am fairly sensible when it comes to living with dynamite, Semtex or C4 or whatever. Again, naivety could playing its part, but would you seriously hide in a house full of explosives if you were trying to keep a low profile?

Bin laden does a few jobs around the house including a DIY security system

Lloyd Grossman wasn't keen on a 'Through The Keyhole' special at Osama Bin Laden's place

To me, and I’m going out on a limb here as usual, this smacks of vying for public favour by using a cute, fluffy animal to win over the hearts of the more cynical news followers while anchoring the converted firmly in place.

So to all you blind believers who think the media wouldn’t lie and that animals are cute and fluffy and win illegal wars for us by being lovely and playful while living happy lives, let’s spare a thought for Remco who was posthumously awarded a Silver Star after service in Afghanistan.

Poor Remco died so that Bush (Fuckarse) could increase his stake in the oil industry.

Share your thoughts on the cruel use of animals as the front line in war situations by leaving a comment.


Ding Dong the witch is dead: Osama Bin Laden killed again

Reports of Osama Bin Laden’s death are flooding the internet, radio, newspapers and television this morning after an American led operation supposedly tracked down the most notorious terrorist ever to live and asked him to surrender before shooting him in the head.

There have been street parties in New York since the news broke at around 2am US time and president Barack Obama, a man incapable of stringing a coherent answer together without auto-cue, claims the operation to bring Bin Laden to justice has taken eight months to co-ordinate; about the same time it takes him to form a lucid thought.

Obama said he ‘had enough intelligence’ to issue the order. I highly doubt that.

His statement this morning read: “A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.”

No Americans were harmed. Phew, what a relief.

I believe the dialogue for the confrontation went as follows:

US Navy Seal #1: Give up
Osama Bin Laden: No way

George W Bush wanted Osama Bin Laden dead because he was killing his genocide ratings

One of the greatest terrorists ever to , George W. Bush speaks out on Osama Bin Laden's death

Former president and people’s favourite genocidalist, George W. Bush, said: “This momentous achievement marks a victory for America, for people who seek peace around the world, and for all those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001.”

“The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done.”

So even after his reign of terror ended, George W. Bush (you decide what the ‘W’ stands for) is still scare mongering and urging the public into believing that ‘The War Against Terror’ is an endless one.

Indeed several world leaders have made sure we remain fearful of attacks by a vengeful CIA, er, I mean Al Qaeda, such as British puppet David Cameron who has put London (and not Wigan or Tamworth) on terror alert.

Cameron said the American operation would ‘bring great relief to people across the world’, and that ‘it is a great success that he has been found and will no longer be able to pursue his campaign of global terror’.

What campaign is that then? He was made the scapegoat for the horrific 9/11 terror attacks (which are still up for debate as an inside job) and since then has done what exactly? Featured in some episodes of South Park and become the new face of ‘Whack-a-Mole’? Scary stuff.

Bin Laden in Whack-A-Mole game - terrifying

Osama Bin Laden joins the list of whackees in the UN game of Whack-A-Mole

Even the Vatican is throwing its tuppence worth in, saying that it hopes Bin Laden will face the wrath of God for the deaths he has caused, just as prominent Vatican priests and cardinals will have to for all the children they’ve violated.

Alain Juppe, French Foreign Minister told Europe 1 Radio: “Al Qaeda’s structure remains in place, there is a number two and a number three. We have seen this when in Afghanistan a network has been dismantled and right away a replacement appears.”

There certainly is a number two Mr. Juppe and it’s a big, fat juicy steamer as it happens.

And nothing is steaming more so than the back story for this supposed coup. A grey haired old man with a liver complaint hiding out in a Pakistani ranch is confronted by American troops, refuses to surrender and is shot in the head. His body is then taken by said US Navy Seals and is buried at sea “in accordance with Islamic law and traditions”.

Isn’t that convenient. The guy is supposedly responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians (unlike the tens of thousands of uninnocent civilians who died at the hands of UN troops in their search for Bin Laden) and is the leader of the most fearsome terrorist cell ever, and his Islamic laws and traditions are honoured?

Wouldn’t it be prudent of our leaders to provide proof of his death so that we truly can relax about evil doers in the world? Apparently not.

US Navy Seals cast Bin Laden to the fishes

Despite being the most wanted man on the planet, Osama Bin Laden's Islamic laws are honoured. How convenient.

All in all the ‘primary’ UN leaders seem to be building a case for future terror attacks which keeps us subservient peons in check and allows them to carry out heightened security measures in what appears to be a pincer movement against our civil liberties. Rather than alleviating our fears which the death of a supposed tyrant would do, America, Britain and France are instead ramping up the fear mongering with no apparent justification.

You can be sure we’ll be seeing bills pushed through insisting on the need for ID cards and more CCTV, and undoubetedly many a paranoid finger will point towards FEMA camps and martial law. As drastic as the latter two sound, they are sadly becoming a faint reality further down the social train line if things continue as they are.

America’s spiralling debts and crop failures (proving that GMO crops do not yield better harvests than organic crops) mean that civil unrest is just around the corner; panic buying of food and fuel could lead to riots and protests again as prices continue to escalate.
Wait, what am I talking about? Silly me, we just killed the evilest, horibblest, killeriest, terroriestic man alive (dead) – OSAMA BIN LADEN. And here’s the photo to prove it.

Despite being shot in the head Osama Bin Laden managed to keep his trademark smile

Osama Bin Laden is turned into an ash tray by US Navy Seals in Pakistan

And here’s Barack Obama telling us that he ordered it to happen, and that it did happen making him a doer, meaning we can all sleep peacefully at night safe in the knowledge that Super Barack Obama Bin Laden is here to protect us.
Good night World, go back to sleep.


Please vomit your thoughts on the death of Osama Bin Laden into our comment bucket.

Read about Bohemian Grove where the president goes to relax with other men; George W’s condoning of torture; the rise of FEMA camps; the JFK assassination and Ron Paul’s exploratory committee.