Boobs’ Job: The great public breastfeeding debate continues

After a bus driver in Detroit threatened to eject a mother who was breastfeeding her baby from a bus unless she put her udder away, the fire of the breastfeeding debate has been stoked once more.

We all know that babies thrive on breast milk and that they suffer fewer illnesses as a result. Breast milk contains important antibodies and many other titamins that are essential for the health of the growing baby.

However, many mothers seem to think that because they adore their newborn baby and think that reproduction is the most miraculous thing in the world, and even more miraculous because it is them that managed to produce a baby, that everyone else simply must find it enchanting to watch a small toothless bald thing chew on a leathery cork dangling from a flaccid space hopper, whilst they are trying to eat their dinner.

Man polishing flute

A VERY shiny flute.

Yes it’s very natural, but masturbation is natural too. Does that mean I can unzip my pants and polish my flute whenever I please? I don’t think it does. Sadly.

I’m all for breastfeeding, I really am. Formulas are the most unnatural thing in the world, but I really don’t want or need to see it whilst I’m finishing off my chow mein or sitting on a bus trying to read superheroes comics.

Big udders

Some people think it's ok to breastfeed in public. Udders disagree.

If I was a woman with a ravenous infant to feed and the only source of nutrition was hidden in my tit, the last thing I’d want to do is haul one of my veiny globes out in front of everyone. Whilst some men might be disgusted, some indifferent, others may even think what a beautiful natural sight to see a mother nursing her young, but many will think ‘I can see a bosom! Phwarr!’ It’s what men do. They can’t help themselves. It’s natural.

Men are generally like good firm bras – they are very supportive of breasts. Whip them out with tassels on and start twirling them around and they’ll happily watch them hypnotically for hours, but not falling out of a nursing bra with what looks like a bald old man going at it with its gums.

And it’s not just men. Surprisingly, many nursing mothers aren’t in favour of public breastfeeding either. They don’t want their young children forced to encounter something so explicit, or sometimes they don’t want their husbands to see another woman’s boulders.

Babytalk Magazine cover

Urggh! Gross!

In 2009, a magazine called Babytalk whose readership is almost entirely mothers with small babies polled the reaction of its readers after a picture of a nursing baby with a naked breast appeared on the cover. More than a quarter of the reactions to the cover were negative, with readers referring to the cover as inappropriate and words such as ‘gross’ used to describe it.

I think public breastfeeding is pretty repugnant. It makes me feel a bit sick and uncomfortable. Natural, yes. Necessary, yes. So is shitting. And like shitting, it’s something best done in private.

If your baby needs to feed, then go and sit in the toilet. A nursing baby is way too young to care whether its surroundings are aesthetically pleasing or not. Its eyes can’t even focus properly at that age.

Woman with large appendages

The lady in the middle has found a unique way of breastfeeding in public without anyone knowing.

Public tit feeding is like men peeing in the street. It needs to be done, just not there. You wouldn’t want someone defecating in front of your children, don’t lactate in front of mine.

Go on lactivists, spatter your odious lactate in the comments box below:

Images: mopo.ca, bluemaxteatdip.com, imageshack.us, vegansareevil.com, henrymakow.com, romeocesare.com