I don’t trust any diet that favors protein over green vegetables. To me that’s just ludicrous. Any diet that encourages such a system is controversial, and more than likely hazardous to the health – and the Dukan Diet is just that.
After the fervour and hype that surrounded the Atkins diet a decade or so ago, a new money spinning system for helping people lose weight, money and the will to live has come along that sounds strangely familiar.
The Dukan Diet, which has been sent over by the crazy French, advocates large quantities of lean animal protein, oatmeal and few vegetables.
The plan consists of four phases, the first of which generously allows the dieter to eat as much as they want, when they want, as long as it is low fat animal protein. Oh, so chicken and fish you mean? And they can stick their diet in any orifice they want, so long as it’s their arse.
The second phase permits small quantities of vegetables – every other day.
In a later phase you’re actually permitted fruit! Ye gads! Albeit one piece per day. In this phase you are allowed 2 slices of bread per day and a portion of cheese, but only one piece of fruit. Hmmm.
Apparently you can lose 1-2 pounds of your disgusting unwanted flesh per day during phase 1 you repugnant overweight monster and by the third day hunger disappears. Along with your sense of humour I imagine. Now call me old fashioned, but isn’t hunger a natural process? Isn’t hunger the body’s way of communicating with the brain to tell it that it needs food for energy and vital functions such as breathing, thinking, moving, farting etc. The only time we don’t feel hunger is generally when we are too hot and trying to keep ourselves cool; or when we are ill or dying.
The diet encourages you to take multivitamins, probably to replace the vitamins you should get from fruit, vegetables and healthy fat sources, and to resign yourself to a lifetime of abject misery. Worryingly it also permits sugar-free chewing gum and artificial sweeteners. It’s true, I know many cancer sufferers who have lost loads of weight.
The only downside to the diet, according to its proponents, other than the fact that the dieter is unlikely to be able to glean any joy from living whatsoever, is constipation, fatigue and halitosis. So you’ll be slim but knackered, fetid and full of old shit.
Experts say that by prohibiting whole food groups the diet doesn’t include all the vitamins that the human body needs to thrive, even with the paltry supplementary multivitamin, and say that prolonged use of such a diet could affect the kidneys, lead to muscle mass and gallstones. You’ll be slim though, hey.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re calorie counting or omitting entire food groups, any diet that makes you miserable – and the Dukan Diet inevitably will, is going to fail long-term. Losing weight and then putting it back on again, is even worse than not losing it in the first place.
Our approach to our health and weight needs to change. We need to start adopting the same approach to unhealthy food as we do to smoking. There are not many smokers who, once over the initial withdrawal period, salivate over the sight of someone else smoking. They don’t look at the loser puffing away and think how lucky they are, because they can enjoy a cigarette.
Incidentally, in his 20-year study and subsequent book, The China Study, Dr T Campbell found massive links between diets that included animal protein and cancer.
“People who ate the most animal-based foods got the most chronic disease … People who ate the most plant-based foods were the healthiest and tended to avoid chronic disease. These results could not be ignored,” said Dr. Campbell.
When you see someone forcing a Big Mac down their gullet, don’t envy them, pity them. Really, why would you want to do that to your precious flesh vehicle? Are you in that much of a hurry to die? Recognise that manufacturers of junk food want your money and want you to remain addicted to their carcinogenic products; and adopt a healthy sense of hatred towards them. How dare they! Why would you want to give your money to a corporation that is willing to kill you in order to improve their profits?
I’m a health food junkie. I’d snort spirulina if I thought it was more easily absorbed. But I also go off the rails sometimes. Sometimes I go off the rails a lot. You eat a piece of cake and you get a taste for it, and then before you know it, you are naked and marinating yourself in a bath tub of dark chocolate, inhaling cheese and scoffing deep fried pizza off a Colombian woman’s disproportionately large breasts, cheered on by Charlie Sheen.
I used to be a junk-food eating, alcoholic, speed junkie who smoked a spliff and washed it down with vodka and diet coke… on the way to work. Now, I blanch if I can’t get organic mangoes for my mango and spirulina smoothie. It’s a slow process, but the high from eating good healthy food and doing yoga far outweighs the high from drugs, booze and poor food choices.
Our aim should be to look healthy and feel good, not just appear thin. Don’t envy the size zero girl who can eat whatever she wants and never so much as go up a sock size. Envy the size 8 girl with the yoga mat.
I’m also ex-bulimic and anorexic and as soon as I stopped officially ‘dieting’ and started making healthy choices, I reached my optimal weight and have remained around that mark ever since. That never happened with any of the miracle diets I tried. In fact, the more miracle diets I tried, the fatter and unhealthier I became. It’s a miracle I’m still alive.
The diet industry exists for one reason only: to keep us fat. Without us, it would founder and die. It doesn’t want us to be thin. It can’t afford for us to be thin. A new diet book comes out with a new breakthrough pseudo-scientific theory that could be written on the back of a Snickers wrapper, and the rest of the book is filler which we happily pay 15 bucks for, because maybe, just maybe, this will be the one. The diets don’t work or their success is ephemeral because they involve too little choice and too much deprivation. Let’s face it, for those of us that are overweight, if we could moderate our food intake, we wouldn’t be carrying extra flesh in the first place. so, why do we think that the new extreme diet will lead to anything permanent, other than chronic depression.
My advice is eat healthily. And that is dispensed free of charge. You might need to re-educate your taste buds, but it will be worth the trouble.
I don’t want to look back on a life wasted obsessing over my weight. I already did enough of that. I want to look back on a long and healthy life with a filthy smile. Albeit toothless.
Read about other faddy diets like the HGC and the 17 day diet, or check out healthier options like a balanced vegetarian diet and raw veganism combined with yoga.
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