Angelina Jolie & Sarah Jessica Parker top Forbes list – despite being crap

Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker were the highest paid actresses for 2011 according to a new list compiled by Forbes, with both actresses being paid a vast $30million of kerching for their acty efforts.

But that’s not all they have in common. Despite their appearance on the list, neither woman is an exceptional actress.

Sarah Jessica Parker, or Sarah Jurassica Parker as one of my Facebook friends calls her rakes in a tremendous salary based on her appearance in girly TV stalwart Sex in the City and its interminable reruns, along with many endorsements, no doubt for products she’s never tried and possibly never heard of, along with a sickly perfume.

Angelina Jolie in Salt

Angelina Jolie in Salt - this is how I imagine a typical CIA agent to look.

Jolie is enjoying a massive salary based on last year’s thriller Salt where she plays a very credible highly-respected CIA agent with lips like a discombobulated squid who goes on the run, a movie that manages a massive 6.5 stars (out of a possible 10) on imdb.com. Time Out New York awarded it 2 stars out of 5. The Tourist, in which she co-starred with Johnny Depp received a whopping 5.9 stars on imdb.com and 56% on rottentomatoes.com.  Although one critic bizarrely (and possibly drunkenly) gave it 4 out of 4. Never underestimate the power of squid lips.

Angelina Jolie - CIA

Stop! CIA!

Angelina Jolie is of course absurdly beautiful and even though in the real world beauty does not a fantastic actress make, it still appears to be a requirement, and often the single requirement for a career in the glorious phony world of Hollywood. Jolie appears on a daily basis in men’s, women’s and celebrity rags and we cannot seem to get enough of her. We still continue to queue up like thirsty zombies at a blood fountain to see her high-budget/low-quality movies.

Sarah Jessica Parker – women love her because she’s so natural and girly and because she is a little bit ugly (face like a slightly pensive anteater), just like us. And on Sex in the City her character talked about sex and dildos and everything, which is really cool. Angelina Jolie – well, men want to have sex with her mouth.

So one sitcom actress and an action movie star who starred in some sub-average movies are creaming hideous quantities of the spendable stuff, which is just another indictment of the painfully contradictory state our society is in. The message once again is attractive appearance and average appeal are of greater importance than talent.

Another sitcom actress, Jennifer Aniston, came third on Forbes’ list. An inoffensive character famous for playing an identical character in almost identical romantic comedies aimed at bunches of girlies who might cry if they accidentally watched something with a gun in it and that didn’t end with a closing shot of a white wedding.

Sandra Bullock - very sexy

Very sexy Sandra Bullock demonstrates the diverse range of skills needed to become a talented actress.

Girl next door Sandra Bullock topped last year’s list. Another middle of the road actress with middle of the road looks who takes on ‘beige’ roles in formulaic Hollywood pulp and gets inordinate sums of cash for doing so. If there was an award for being average, Bullock could come second.

It’s a quirky old world where people win awards for doing things they aren’t particularly good at and where gargantuan salaries are dished out based on appearance and popularity, rather than on merit. Acting roles are awarded to the beautiful ones or the most likeable rather than to those that can act.

That doesn’t happen in the real world. An average cardiologist wouldn’t win acclaim based on his or her icy blue eyes or cheekbones you could cut sausages with.

But it’s these faces that command the great salaries and get folk to the box office. We shouldn’t call them actors and actresses and we shouldn’t call them talent. We should call them adverts. Because that’s all they are. A lure to get us in a cinema and to part with our money. Their faces are logos. That’s what we pay for. That’s why they command great fees and having a good face isn’t a talent. A gift, yes. A talent, no.

Call me an idealist, but I’d like the top 3 actresses on the best paid actresses list to at least be three exceptional individuals. Who can act. In good roles.

 

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Images: en.trend.az, free-press-release.com, olgakurylenkohot.blogspot.com

 

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