Homosexual men everywhere will be expelling saturnine groans of complete and utter disappointment today as, contrary to a statement that recently appeared on the actor’s website, Zach Braff isn’t actually batting for the other team.
The actor, who is famous for his role as the protagonist in Scrubs, claims that his website was hacked and that the coming out statement that appeared yesterday (July 20) was in fact bogus and he is still a vagetarian.
The sadly phony statement (depending on whether you are gay or ungay) reads:
“To all my loyal fans, I have been hiding this secret inside me for too long… The human mind can only bare so much before it explodes in emotions, and well… it is time I let the world know.
I am excited and proud to announce that I am an open member of the homosexual community. This is not news to those closest to me, and I honor that they have kept it a secret for such a long time. This doesn’t change anything. I am still Zach Braff, and I’m the same man I’ve always been, gay or not 😉
Thank you to all my supporters and look forward to seeing me soon! I couldn’t be happier about this announcement! :)”
According to the actor’s publicist, the old website which has not been used since 2006 was hacked and the statement that appeared there regarding his sexuality was a hoax.
Braff wrote the following on his Facebook page: “My old website got hacked. Someone issued a ‘coming-out’ statement on my behalf. I’m still straight and in love with my girlfriend. But not too straight; I still love musicals, brunch and Doogie Howser.” He also posted a clip from Scrubs which features a song called Guy Love and included the caption “This song is my official statement.”
You have to wonder at hackers, except when they are doing something exceedingly useful like professional hackers Lulzsec who recently redirected all web traffic from the British trashy red top newspaper, The Sun, to their own website terrifying thousands of wet lipped cretins intimidated by words that contain more than one syllable; and hilariously bringing down the computers at MMORPG Eve Online waking millions of dazed and pixel-hungry avatar addicts, dribbling onto their jogging bottoms from their digital comas and leaving them with nothing else to do other than to get up off the sofa and urinate in the bathroom for a change. That’s all jolly good fun and lols. But hacking an actor’s obsolete website seems a bit futile. Most actors are gay or would be unfazed by such allegations anyway. Why not out a footballer? That would be much more fun. Perhaps their next victim will be the Pentagon. But everyone knows the Pentagon is gay.
Conveniently this publicity arrives at around the same time that Braff’s All New People for which he wrote the script, is appearing in the theatre. But I’m probably just being very cynical.
So that’s it. Zach Braff is not gay. But he is a filthy thespian.
If you would like to publicly out yourself or a celebrity, please gay off in the comments box below:
Images: aceshowbiz.com, kidzworld.com, 1st-name.com