Hot on the heels of his arrest on an outstanding warrant for battery, Tom Sizemore is facing the prospect of drowning in a squall of his own filth as it was revealed he released an hour long sex tape in 2005.
When celebrity sex tapes are mentioned it’s the Paris Hiltons, Rihannas and other female film or music stars whose names crop up, so when someone throws in Tom Sizemore there’s understandable gagging and horror involved.
There can be nothing more horrific in fact than watching a middle aged drunk work his way through three prostitutes who have less interest in his drug addled, drunk shenanigans that I have in listening to Lady Gaga speak.
Yet Sizemore excels as the confounded idiot that he truly is; a man so desperately entrenched in the humiliation of not being capable of living up to his ego’s demands that his every utterance is a completely cringe-worthy effort that leaves the viewer feeling nothing less than bilious.
After waving a 12” dildo around while dressed up in cycling clothes the moon-headed Sizemore complains that his audience and would-be pin cushions are not giving him the attention he deserves, all the while bemoaning his flaccid, uninterested penis. His member clearly isn’t connected to his ego otherwise we’d be witnessing such epic and horrendous scenes as displayed in “A Serbian Film”.
Never before has the male appendage been brandished as such a weapon and never in Tom Sizemore’s life will it be, for the man is short of the intellect to discern between ego and true-self.
His record in life is pretty poor reading. A violent, agitated man with a penchant for ladies of the night, drugs and aclohol who has never been able to come to terms with himself. The closing scenes of his porno flick truly highlight his weakness as he cries for joy at the prospect of getting an erection as an exhausted hooker slobbers all over his sleeping tool and he tries to speak through a mouthful of dry, unexcited labia.
This is Sizemore’s defining role. He is an idiot of epic proportions but his portrayal of a depraved human being falls short of true depravity and ends up looking like something so shambolic that it completely fails to arouse, shock or entertain – missing the pornographic bullseye and indeed any part of the target.
This truly highlights the world that so many celebrities live in with their desperation to remain ‘popular’ or wanted and if this is what it takes for them to perpetuate their position in the public eye then we truly live in pathetic times. INRI – Nature renewed by fire made whole. Oh come ye great fire, come ye today.
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