What we need is a cure for cancer, an end to the financial slump, governments we can trust, faithful partners, a healthy bank balance, a job we enjoy, three-day working weeks, chocolate that makes us thin, an end to animal cruelty in slaughterhouses, free wi-fi everywhere for everyone, a healthy attitude to life, a solution to the impending oil crisis, supportive parents, an end to wrinkles, food that feeds instead of killing us, oodles more laughter and absolute proof that God exists.
What we don’t need is another reality TV program. No seriously, we don’t. And if you think you do, you definitely don’t.
So Shannen Doherty, she of Beverly Hills 90210 ‘fame’ has been dug up again and reanimated in the television world in order to provide more offensively cheap programming, the brainchild of some inebriated TV producer that he or she farted out accidentally in their sleep after a drunken encounter with a takeaway prawn vindaloo and six pints of Guinness.
The fabulous new show involves the star and her fiancé, photographer Kurt Iswarienko and follows their trials and tribulations as they plan their impending wedding.
[adsense]The program will show Doherty managing all the challenges that having a big silly showy offy wedding day can throw at a girl. And as if that’s not enough for you plot hungry TV aficionados, there’s a sub-plot – Shannen Doherty will actually also be renovating her home in Malibu. This is the kind of intricate plotting that would have Chuck Palahniuk sobbing into his hot chocolate. I mean it’s no Columbo, is it?
So for those of us who haven’t already been dragged under by the pendulous weight of taedium vitae, we now get to watch someone slighty bloated – who was last successful in the eighties in a TV show for and about repugnant teenagers – as they prepare for another wedding and do a bit of redecorating.
According to John Miller, an executive at WEtv “People will see a side of Shannen they never expected to see… Unfiltered, honest and vulnerable.”
Oh. Just like a human being then.
I’m not that bothered about watching Shannen Doherty dick about with a big cake and try on dresses that make her look like a fat elephant’s tampon. I’ve got my own housework to do.
I have my own idea for a reality TV concept. The girl who played Kimberley in Diff’rent Stokes pays some bills online and re-organises her sock draw.
If you would like to comment on yet more reality TV bubblegum making its way onto our telly boxes, please use the commenty box below.
Images: tvfanatic.com, chilango.com, sugarslam.com.