Rihanna is the sexiest woman alive according to Esquire

With the food industry having become an all out assault on our physical health and normal neural functions since the 1970s, those clever psychologists and brain surgeons in the music industry, not wanting to be left behind in the race to mentally enslave mankind, have spent the last 30 years perfecting their formula for mind domination by hurling sexy superstars at us through the television in the guise of Madonna, Lady Gaga et al.

For those of us living in the larger realms of our brains and not just the reptilian bit at the top of the spinal cord there is some immunity. And thank [insert relevant deity] because Rihanna has just gone and exposed herself all over a new Esquire video shoot aimed at crippling the critical thought processes of men and lesbians, rendering them as nothing more than walking, swearing erections.

The pink bit is the only part of the brain which functions in Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Rihanna fans.

Obviously the extremely talented, beautiful and humble Rihanna doesn’t need to flash her tits at the camera to sell records because there is so much substance to her music, but she does it anyway because she loves her fans and feels that the intimacy of seeing her naked will make them feel like they’re a part of her.

Sorry, what was I thinking?

She’s actually just another music industry mannequin who will do whatever it takes to hold the public’s attention and if that means stripping off, then so be it.

Rihanna - so sexy to be honest.

There was a time when we were allowed to make our own minds up about who was or wasn’t sexy but it seems in the modern age we need an image director to hold our hands as we wander cluelessly through the minefield of who’s sexy and who’s not. And according to Esquire, Rihanna is the sexiest woman alive.

Clearly I was mistaken because I’d got it into the larger areas of my brain that Rihanna was about as attractive as Lady Gaga is original and intelligent. Which is higher than her level of actual talent. I’ve been such a fool.

The sad truth is that we live in a world controlled by men who use sex to enslave other men. I remember when catching a glimpse of a nipple on television was tantamount to having a full blown orgy with the sexiest women alive (women of my own choosing). Nowadays there’s nipples all over the adverts let alone the programs and films, and the effect is that we, as a race, have become so desensitised to sex that TV, film and music industry people are having to push the boundaries further with each new rising star.

Remember when they didn’t even swear in PG-13s?

Rihanna looking like a retard who just discovered her vagina is melting. So sexy.

Seeing Rihanna chuck a bit of dirt over herself is as far from sexy as I am from impressed and no amount of pouting can add weight to the argument. There is a saying – you can’t polish a turd – but you can make it pout and throw dirt over itself.

Music industry executives are shitting them out on a daily basis. Sploosh! “There goes another one, dress it in meat and make it copy Madonna… The public will love it.”

Oh look, one turd copying another turd.

Satan may be one of the highest paid music executives in the world and his shit stinks as bad as anyone else’s, but seriously,there is no need to keep marinating us in this bilious nonsense. The ‘throw enough shit…’ routine doesn’t work. Maybe 14 year old boys who have never left their bedrooms might find Rihanna’s short video wank worthy, but to anyone who is capable of forming lucid thoughts this Esquire propaganda is just plain insulting.

Satan - works for one of the bigger record labels I think

How can Rihanna be the sexiest woman in the world when all she does is follow the same self-promotion formula as almost every other big hitting female ‘pop’ star? Surely she should be up for the ‘Genericest Woman Alive’ award instead.

There’s no doubting her success (thanks to her willingness to do almost anything) but when she feels the need to swan into H&M on Broadway in New York at 3pm on a Saturday just for a mooch (with her brick wall of a bodyguard), and sycophantic morons shout things like, “Rihanna, you’re so pretty” you know you’re in the presence of an ego so powerful that major governments set their countries to Defcon 4 when she goes on tour.

Rihanna - The genericest woman alive

The word ‘Diva’ is not quite strong enough to describe her, just ask Chris Brown who did something many of us would like to do (no not fuck her), and it now seems that superego is the future of entertainment and the music industry has just about completed its merger with the porn industry.

Rihanna is not the sexiest woman alive, she, like so many others, was simply prepared to go down on Satan for a slurp of that magic fame making juice.

Please feel free to add your bile to this article by leaving a comment in the spittoon down there.

Read about Rihanna’s previous sexploits like her nudey pictures, her supposed FILTHY SEX TAPE, her cat fight with Ciarra, her stab at Kenneth Tong via twitter and how she had a restraining order slapped on Chris Brown.

images: celebrity-gossip.net, starpulse.com, manifestopart2.com, savingcountrymusic.com, clipartof.com, chismetime.com, proofgodexists.org

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