There are probably a thousand or more reasons why Bing is a terrible name for a child, especially when the father’s family name is ‘Bellamy’, but alliteration aside, Bingham Hawn Bellamy is facing a torrid time as ascends the long climb to manhood.
Latest members of the celebrity parent fraternity, Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy have given their first born the rather ignominious moniker Bing which in some circles could be seen as a plug for Microsoft’s search engine.
While that may give the unfortunate child kudos in geek cliques it does seem like the kind of name that will delight school bullies and the only saving grace is that they didn’t go the whole hog with the alliteration and make his middle name ‘Bertie’.
His pseudo-rock ‘n’ roll dad, Matt Bellamy has made a living out of jumping on the bandwagon with his band Muse who have borrowed heavily from whatever bands are making good in any given moment, so naming his first son after a popular search engine comes as no great surprise.
Celebrities of nominal intellect often fall into the trap of thinking that giving their children unusual names makes them clever or unique; just look at the Beckham clan for evidence of that – Harper Seven Beckham anyone?
OK so the Beckhams are renowned for their stupidity and lack of class so naming their daughter after a pompous magazine and David’s first football shirt number also comes as nothing of a surprise.
Other ramifications of Bing include Chandler Bing who was so beautifully characterised by former substance addict Matthew Perry in the hit sitcom Friends; then there’s the most famous of Bings, Mr. Crosby, although there’s nothing bad to say about him; perhaps the worst offender is that evil miscreant who threatened to destroy planet Earth and would have succeeded were it not for that all action hero Flash Gordon – Bing the Berciless.
Apparently he suffered with allergies that gave him swollen sinuses.
The bottom line is that far too many parents only think of themselves when they pick baby names, looking at the cuteness and uniqueness they’re bestowing upon their young, failing to consider what their progeny will have to face when they enter the halls of education and the world at large. In fairness, Bingham is far less offensive than some celebrity baby names and while still pretentious it’s a far less gregarious title than it could have been.
Perhaps Bing will turn out to be an all-knowing oracle, a well of information or font of all knowledge and his name will then be justified, but it’s more likely that he’ll grow up in his father’s shadow and never quite fulfil his own potential in the eyes of cruel fans who idolise an ageing Queen/Radiohead/Led Zeppelin cover band.
Good luck Bing, you’re going to need it.
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Read about other celebrity parents like Selma Blair, Jamie Oliver, Christina Applegate, Owen Wilson and Gael Garcia.
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