Actor Hugh Jackman has been chatting to Australia’s Herald Sun about his adopted family and about the long and emotional process of becoming a father when one of you is all wrong inside.
Jackman 42 and his significantly older wife Deborra-Lee Furness now have two adopted mixed-race children aged 11 and 6 but the pathway to having a family wasn’t your usual filthy five-minute panting session on a Friday night after being on the wrong side of two bottles of Rioja with your trousers round your ankles and the taste of prawn vindaloo still recent on your lips.
‘It was painful. It’s not easy. You put a lot of time and effort into it, so it’s emotional.’ He said as he describes the moment when he found out that he and Debora-Lee were unable to have biological kids all of their very own. ‘I think any parent can relate – trying to have children is wonderful and when you feel as though that’s not going to happen, there’s a certain anxiety that goes with it,’ he continued. Adding ‘We thought we’d have a kid or two biologically and then adopt. But when we decided we’d had enough of IVF, we went ahead with adoption.’
After several years of unsuccessful attempts at IVF treatment, which is neither natural nor particularly successful it seems and appears to lead would-be parents on an emotional rollercoaster that can make them a little obsessive, because we always want more what we cannot have – it’s one of human beings greatest flaws, the showbiz couple decided to do what some consider the right thing and adopt children rather than pursue a treatment that only seems to line the pockets of doctors and lead to more frustration, emotional turmoil and often hysteria in women who believe they have the right to children despite nature clearly thinking otherwise.
‘From the moment we started the adoption process, all the anxiety went away. I don’t think of them as adopted – they’re our children’ said Jackman. ‘Deb and I are believers in I suppose you could call it destiny. We feel things happened the way they are meant to. Obviously, biologically wasn’t the way we were meant to have children. Now, as we go through life together, sure there are challenges, but everyone’s in the right place with the right people. It sounds airy-fairy, but it’s something we feel very deeply.’
Let Hugh Jackman be an example to all of us who think we have the right to have biological children even when destiny has alternative plans for us. He and wifey look content and relaxed with their little hand-picked family. Good luck to them all and I hope other baby craving women will follow suit and find out that just because it didn’t come out of their vagina, it is just as lovable, if not more so, because it was actually chosen by you and your partner, and wasn’t just a lucky dip.
There are lots of little ones out their craving the love and attention of a mother and father, they don’t care that your tubes are tangled or that you are all wrong inside, they just want to be loved and to be part of a family.
Well done Hugh Jackman. Proof that to have a happy family, you don’t need to have made it yourself or squandered tens of thousands of bucks on dubious IVF treatment that seems to play on the emotions of women who fear they will be the odd one out and often lead to even more heartache.
It’s obviously a painful thing to learn that you can’t have children when we – and women in particular – have been conditioned to want nothing else from the moment we could hold a plastic baby in our arms, dress our dolls up, have fun using our miniature ironing board sets and conjure up creative plastic meals using our plastic cookers, whilst baby men are trained to play with tiny cars, plastic soldiers, to compete against each other in racing and war games, play with miniature guns and are basically programmed to be destructive and competitive, whilst diminutive females learn how to nurture and care about their appearance. It makes you wonder if it is a coincidence that so many adult males are football crazy competitive war mongers so detached from their emotions and so many women are hysterical child producing machines obsessed with appearance.
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