Sick Celebrities

eating disorders

Victoria Beckham loses her baby weight


Victoria BeckhamDespite having just given birth a few minutes ago, it seems that Victoria Beckham is already focused more on regaining her two-stone child body than she is on feeding silicone milk to her new baby. That of Harper Seven.

The vacuous footballer’s wife is currently living alone in a 7-bedroom mansion in Malibu that she is renting from Steven Spielberg (for the paltry sum of $150k per month) whilst she focuses on regaining the figure of a withered stick sporting two massive bloated blouse berries.

Beckham is wasting away to subnormal by following a depressingly restrictive diet called the ‘five-hands diet’. Allowing the victim just five handfuls of food per day. For most of us that would be a form of torture, but when the most important thing in your life is looking like a whittled stick with the expression of a shocked blow-up sex doll in time for New York Fashion Week, I suppose living under a regime akin to starvation, is of no real importance.

According to ‘Mr. E. Source’ she has been snacking on miniscule portions of smoked salmon and tuna sushi in order to be in great shape for the forthcoming NY event. Mr Source told celebrity and handbag-loving mag, Grazia “Five days after giving birth, she started eating five high-protein meals a day accompanied by green vegetables, drinking gallons of water, and only snacking on goji berries and nuts.” She has also been doing some gentle exercise.

If you wish to emulate Victoria Beckham’s diet. All you have to do is eat five microscopically small high-protein meals a day and pray for a swift end.

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