Does the Royal Wedding have the X Factor?

They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, (What? Not even Hitler or Polpot?) But I thought Princess Diana was a pissy-weak, wet-lipped lettuce. Having a few publicity shots taken while you pose with a few limbless kids while on holiday in Africa doesn’t make you a people’s princess.

I’m one of the rare few who favours Prince Charles to his much heralded dead ex. Here is a man with dignity, intelligence and nobility in every sense. But the media labels him a buffoon and we all go along with it. They label Princess Diana the people’s princess and we all happily go along with that.

What sheeple we are.

Princess Diana causes a stir by parachuting into her wedding.

I remember watching the Charles and Di wedding back in 81 – not all 78 hours of the 2-hour event, but I was only young and my attention span was even less than it is now. There was so little to actually say for the ridiculous amount of television time dedicated to the event that male reporters went into meticulous details about the ‘sparkly beading’ on Diana’s repulsive great zeppelin of a dress. She looked about as comfortable as a nauseous owl wearing a back-to-front balaclava.

Seems like the coverage of this new royal wedding is going to be no better. The woman everyone is hailing as the NEW Diana (which should be enough to make her son slightly uneasy) will soon wed William, whom I’m told is the non-ginger one. Worse in fact.

Royal officials are hiring Diccon Ramsay, a stage manager from the UK’s shamefully talentless overhyped talent show The X-Factor to oversee the filming of the wedding this Friday and it is guaranteed to turn into something absurd and spectacular – “the greatest event in the history of television” a source told another source.

Speculators have said that the production will use a similar technique to Big Brother. Irritating and highly intrusive then.

Expect shocks, laughs and drama as the Big Brother style production comes to the Royal Wedding.

I wonder if this lastest version of Princess Diana will also be persecuted by the press even after her death, and if her supposed fans, who buy those papers and subscribe to those media, will continue to buy and subscribe to them, strangely unaware that they are partly responsible for her death. Funny how it was the same papers that published magnified pictures of Diana’s arse with a tiny bit of cellulite circled, were the same that raked in the cash when she died. Is that anyway to treat a princess?

I won’t be watching the Royal Wedding. I wish them the very best of luck. I don’t know how many more royal weddings there will be. Give it twenty years and the royals will have been replaced by avatars. And that will be a very sad day.

Long live the Queen, I say.

Leave a comment with your thoughts on the hype surrounding the Royal Wedding.

Read about about the build up to the royal wedding; pressure on the couple to have a baby; a prominent bishop’s skepticism over the royal wedding; Princess Diana’s bulimia and Elton John’s friendship with Diana.

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