The original quirky woman of eighties pop, Cyndi Lauper – she who was Lady Gaga before Lady Gaga was even a drunken twinkle in Daddy Gaga’s grubby tinkle – has been castigated all over the internet (on Twitter no less) for the heinous crime of fluffing the lyrics to the US national anthem during the US Open where the ten-year anniversary of 9/11 was commemorated.
The unforgiveable mishap took place as the chanteuse turned traitor performed The Star-Spangled Banner before the women’s final between Serena Williams and Caroline Wozniacki. All was going well until she got to the line “O’er the ramparts, we watched as our flag was still streaming.” And then she foolishly sang. “O’er the ramparts we watch’d were so gallantly streaming.” What is wrong with her? An audience of millions commemorating a momentous event in American history and she went and made a mistake. I bet Madonna wouldn’t have made a mistake. But then Madonna probably doesn’t have a human heart. Nor an exceptional voice.
Cyndi Lauper originally found fame in the eighties as a kooky songstress with an exceptional and inimitable voice and a unique oft-bizarre style of dress to match. When all the generic world was jerking off to Madonna’s slutty dance pop and revealing clothes, Lauper sang from the heart, kept her tits in her tunic and wasn’t afraid to be herself. She seemed to have a vocal range of a trillion octaves that could engrave her name on a glass and then shatter it, at fifty paces. Above all she was herself. And didn’t use a sexy image to sell her music. A record company’s nightmare in other words.
Critics have organised a virtual lynch mob and have taken up flaming torches and are running through the internet via Twitter – the social networking equivalent of chewing gum – to attack Lauper, setting fire to the internet and raping her service provider.
After such a nefarious faux pas by Lauper it’s no wonder she hasn’t brought the entire internet down or at the very least, been burned at the stake for the simple crime of heresy.
[adsense]If burning witches was still de rigeur, I don’t think Americans would be beyond their rights if they demanded that Lauper be raised to the ground. A very fitting punishment for a wholly unforgiveable crime.
Reprimanding someone for accidentally forgetting a lyric (especially in front of an audience the size of the world) is like telling someone with a sore throat off for coughing. And Cyndi Lauper need not worry anyway, if the internet did get burnt down, my nan could knit the world a new one in a weekend.
It might also be worth mentioning that the anti-american songstress who is probably also a muslim extremist, has recently spearheaded a housing facility in New York aimed at homeless lezzers, gayers and transgenderers that opened on September 9th in Harlem. Probably a clever cover for her crimes against the US.
Lauper has been an advocate of gay rights since being gay was invented by Boy George in the early eighties, long before gay men were considered the ultimate fashion accessory. She was upset by the disgusting and disturbing reports of verbal and physical abuse suffered by gays, lesbians et al in places where they were trying to seek help.
“This is shocking and inexcusable,” she wrote. “Our primary goal is to provide a physically and emotionally safe and supportive environment that will empower our young residents to be the self-loving, happy and successful individuals they were meant to be.”
The five-story building energy-efficient building consists of 30 apartments, a computer room, resource library and outdoor area and offers support for 18-24-year.
But more importantly, she fluffed the lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner. Burn her.
If you would like to comment on this article, ‘like’ it, ‘dislike’ it, shit on it or share it with a friend, you can do so by employing the social networking icons or comments box elsewhere on this page. You know you want to.
Images: rad80sfashion.com, jasondelport.posterous.com, pinterest.com.