Charlie Sheen is dead: rumours are untrue

The rumour mill is at it again on the fake celebrity death conveyor belt. Today, much to the disappointment of many people, Charlie Sheen is the target of failed malicious death speculation; albeit it fake.

Charlie Sheen isn't dead, nor is he a zombie.

How Charlie Sheen might look had he actually died and become a zombie.

 

Given his recent shenanigans it’s not hard to imagine the ego-maniac face down in a puddle of his own evacuation on the floor of some arbitrary backstage area, such were the potency of his excesses. Sheen however is hardier than that; impudent in fact and not the sort to give in when the world turned against him. After his spectacular and highly public self-destruction the former Two and a Half Men star consumed copious amounts of Tiger Blood and forged himself into the guise of a warlock as he battened down the hatches against a media onslaught which would have destroyed lesser egos.

Charlie Sheen is remarkable in many ways. His durability has to be admired but his unfortunate behaviour does little to endear him to colder crowds. His bullish, childish nature undermines what could otherwise be a brilliant act, as witnessed in flashes on his Torpedo of Truth tour which is miraculously still pulling crowds and still causing them to go home scratching their heads.

Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedo of Truth

Sheen's comic book persona highlights the fact he's never lived in the real world.

Constant slating of his ex-wives, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller, along with his ex-producer Chuck Lorre (who has since replaced him on Two and a Half Men with Ashton Kutcher) leaves you with a sense that his rants and raves are the last line of defence for the bruised ego of a spoilt child which should never have been elevated to such heights in the first place.

There is nothing charming about his childish tirades and his word play has been used to better effect by many before him, not least the late Hunter S. Thompson whose brilliant mind was able to not only politically and socially observe but to dissect and put into words in a way that made it understandable and clear to everyone.

Thompson was a poet whereas Sheen is a hack, self-hawker and a wannabe.

Charlie Sheen drinking on the roof of his LA mansion.

Charlie Sheen finds the violent torpedo of truth in the bottom of a bottle of tiger blood.

Seeing headlines of ‘Charlie Sheen is dead’ come as no shock, nor does the lack of their validity. Sheen and his faux death rumours are a product of the media tangle we all live in and while the circus never stops and the disappointment never subsides, we live in hope that truth will one day take hold and save us from the nonsense on all fronts.

RIP Charlie Sheen – your career died a long time ago but your ego still shines.

Please leave your thoughts on Charlie Sheen’s non-death in the comment box.

Read about other fake celebrity deaths such as Adam Sandler, Will Smith, Owen Wilson and Wesley Snipes.

images: zombiereportingcenter.com, higacmaber.blogspot.com, horror-movies.ca, bumpshack.com