Sick Celebrities


25 years on, Top Gun is still a gayfest


The summer blockbuster of 1986 was Top Gun, a complete cheese-fest which sported an all-star cast including a young and upcoming Tom Cruise, along with Val Kilmer, Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer took the reigns and it’s him we have to thank for the celestial career of Cruise who was launched higher into the stratosphere on the back of this film than his F-16 could take him in the role of Maverick.

Nothing homo-erotic about this Top Gun moment.

Cruise was not the first choice for the part and names to reject it beforehand include John Cusack, Patrick Swayze, Emilio Estevez, Matthew Broderick and Michael J. Fox. Please god, why did they reject it? The blame for Tom Cruise’s ego lies squarely at the feet of those actors who could, in their infinite wisdom, have saved us all from enduring decades of the over-zealous midget who now believes that alien ghosts are possessing human bodies and must be cleansed for millions of dollars by simply saying, “yes.”

Yes, Tom Cruise, proponent of the Church of Scientology possesses one of the most fevered egos on the planet, is a shining beacon of publicity for the faux-religion started by L. Ron Hubbard (himself a failed science fiction writer who famously said, “If you want to make money start a religion”) and is still, questionably not heterosexual.

Questions over Cruise’s sexual preferences began to surface shortly after Top Gun premièred as his on-screen relationships with both the steady wingman Goose (who died horribly but laughably) and fiery competitor Val Kilmer who played Ice-Man were both drenched in homosexual tension. Many a locker room scene involving oiled bodies and intimate face-offs alluded to a simmering desire for the boys to jump into bed together and romp it out of their systems.

Maverick and Ice-Man are about to kiss passionately as a jealous Goose watches on.

Of course, Cruise as Maverick was unable to express his deep rooted sexual desires to any of the other boys in class so he instead turned to Kelly McGillis’s character, a female flight instructor who dressed like a man, walked like a man, flew like a man and had all the femininity of a packet of pork scratchings.

Cue a flirty bar scene in which a group of men sing badly to help Cruise catch the wo(man) of his dreams , make love in a huge bed (surely not Air Force regulation size) and ride a motorbike in slow motion to the sound of Berlin’s Take My Breath Away – a song which Peugeot used to sell their Top Gun cars to punters in the UK and drive others to the edge of despair with its drawly, repetitive, lifeless droning. Only one other song had such a a painful effect on the world – Bryan Adam’s Everything I do from the awful Kevin Costner Robin Hood flick.

Further evidence that Top Gun was not gay orientated.

Since then Cruise has gone on to believe that he is a kind of sub-messiah and his work with the Church of Scientology (read as scatology) has only exacerbated his soaring ego. An odd marriage to Katie Holmes which saw the over-acting, over-excited Cruise jumping about on Oprah Winfrey’s couch has only added fuel to the fire that he used Holmes as a smokescreen to disguise his homosexuality.

Whatever the case, gay or straight, Tom Cruise is a nutter and should be kept away from the public eye as much as possible so that he doesn’t taint young and impressionable minds. As for Top Gun, thanks for nothing Jerry Bruckheimer, your vision of homo-erotic trainee pilots has done little to influence society in a meaningful or positive way.

Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer and Kelly McGillis relax on the set of Top Gun.

We appreciate your opinion so please leave a comment with your thoughts on Top Gun and its gay propensity.

Read about Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds, a film in which small annoying things saved the world; his vanity over bad teeth; his denial that ADHD exists; Evan Rachel Wood’s exit from the closet and Jeff Goldblum advised to date older, voluptuous journalist.


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