Pet Stores Ban Sale of Pets

Hoorah then, animal lovers like Brigitte Bardot, (who was in the news earlier this week after she campaigned for a dog to receive the same rights as a human) across the world can celebrate – at least a little – as Canadian pet store chain PJ’s Pets, has just announced that it will discontinue the sale of animals in its 41 stores across the nation, according to Yahoo News Canada.

Instead of selling animals the company will work together with local adoption organizations, educating potential owners and putting them in touch with pets in shelters awaiting adoption.

[adsense]Several pro-animal organizations have expressed their satisfaction with the change taking place in PJ’s. Kristin Williams (executive director of Nova Scotia SPCA said “We applaud what PJ’s Pets and Pets Unlimited are doing in giving up puppy sales to help organizations like ours find homes for more pets.”

In an interview, CEO of the HSC, Michael O’Sullivan told the CTV News Channel, “I think it puts the responsibility where it belongs and it’s wonderful for the animals. You actually do an adoption process, so that the animals don’t come back even to the shelter for the same reasons they came. And you look for a permanent loving home.”



Puppy in a cage: it's crime, being cute.

Pro-animal lobbyists have been highlighting the problems with pet stores and puppy mills for years, accusing them of cruelty and focussed purely on financial gain, rather on the welfare and safety of the puppies.

The news of PJ’s change of heart comes after a report on puppy mills in 2009 by CBC’s Marketplace which claimed that that they were selling puppies with the kind of health problems that indicated they had been raised in poor factory conditions. PJ’s declined the opportunity to comment on the report and still claim that their pups were sourced from reputable breeders.

Good old ‘controversial’ PETA launched a campaign “If you buy a dog, what will you do with the shelter dog you kill?” last year. I personally love their brutal campaigns and no holds barred approach. And the ASPCA’s campaign has been raising awareness and collecting signatures.

 More good news from the US

In another small victory, pet stores in Glendale, USA have also been banned from stocking dogs and cats, after an investigation by animal rights campaigners into the disgusting conditions in which the animals are raised and kept in a Midwest puppy mill. According to the investigation, animals were found to be injured, soaked in urine and faeces and in some cases their fur was so matted that it had covered their eyes and they were unable to see.

Half the dogs sent to shelters in the US are destroyed, because no one wants to adopt them, according to the ASPCA, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Similarly, seven out of ten cats are killed. And according to the Humane Society up to 4 million animals are euthanized every year.

Bravo human race for more outstandingly dreadful and arrogant treatment of newborn animals. There is nothing more divine and uncalculating as a small puppy. Congratulations to those who have campaigned relentlessly to end the exploitation of man’s little best friend. The sooner the rest of the world follows suit, the closer we come to ending cruelty to animals and saving the little round globe on which we live and all who inhabit it.

Cruelty to animals is arrogant and smacks of both ignorance and cowardice. They are just like us except they are smaller, furrier and without ego or malice.

Morrissey got some flak earlier this month when he rightfully compared the deaths of 70 or so humans with the mass slaughter of millions of animals every day. Read more here.

Other celebrities who care about animals include Reese Witherspoon, Alicia Silverstone, Jake Gyllenhaal and Pamela Anderson.

If you would like to comment on this post, please use the comment box below.









Boobs’ Job: The great public breastfeeding debate continues

After a bus driver in Detroit threatened to eject a mother who was breastfeeding her baby from a bus unless she put her udder away, the fire of the breastfeeding debate has been stoked once more.

We all know that babies thrive on breast milk and that they suffer fewer illnesses as a result. Breast milk contains important antibodies and many other titamins that are essential for the health of the growing baby.

However, many mothers seem to think that because they adore their newborn baby and think that reproduction is the most miraculous thing in the world, and even more miraculous because it is them that managed to produce a baby, that everyone else simply must find it enchanting to watch a small toothless bald thing chew on a leathery cork dangling from a flaccid space hopper, whilst they are trying to eat their dinner.

Man polishing flute

A VERY shiny flute.

Yes it’s very natural, but masturbation is natural too. Does that mean I can unzip my pants and polish my flute whenever I please? I don’t think it does. Sadly.

I’m all for breastfeeding, I really am. Formulas are the most unnatural thing in the world, but I really don’t want or need to see it whilst I’m finishing off my chow mein or sitting on a bus trying to read superheroes comics.

Big udders

Some people think it's ok to breastfeed in public. Udders disagree.

If I was a woman with a ravenous infant to feed and the only source of nutrition was hidden in my tit, the last thing I’d want to do is haul one of my veiny globes out in front of everyone. Whilst some men might be disgusted, some indifferent, others may even think what a beautiful natural sight to see a mother nursing her young, but many will think ‘I can see a bosom! Phwarr!’ It’s what men do. They can’t help themselves. It’s natural.

Men are generally like good firm bras – they are very supportive of breasts. Whip them out with tassels on and start twirling them around and they’ll happily watch them hypnotically for hours, but not falling out of a nursing bra with what looks like a bald old man going at it with its gums.

And it’s not just men. Surprisingly, many nursing mothers aren’t in favour of public breastfeeding either. They don’t want their young children forced to encounter something so explicit, or sometimes they don’t want their husbands to see another woman’s boulders.

Babytalk Magazine cover

Urggh! Gross!

In 2009, a magazine called Babytalk whose readership is almost entirely mothers with small babies polled the reaction of its readers after a picture of a nursing baby with a naked breast appeared on the cover. More than a quarter of the reactions to the cover were negative, with readers referring to the cover as inappropriate and words such as ‘gross’ used to describe it.

I think public breastfeeding is pretty repugnant. It makes me feel a bit sick and uncomfortable. Natural, yes. Necessary, yes. So is shitting. And like shitting, it’s something best done in private.

If your baby needs to feed, then go and sit in the toilet. A nursing baby is way too young to care whether its surroundings are aesthetically pleasing or not. Its eyes can’t even focus properly at that age.

Woman with large appendages

The lady in the middle has found a unique way of breastfeeding in public without anyone knowing.

Public tit feeding is like men peeing in the street. It needs to be done, just not there. You wouldn’t want someone defecating in front of your children, don’t lactate in front of mine.

Go on lactivists, spatter your odious lactate in the comments box below:


Scarlet Fever hits Singapore as record cases are reported

Singapore media is reporting that a new outbreak of Scarlet Fever has become a cause for concern after a child has died as a result of contracting the disease. The Hong Kong Ministry of Health are said to be monitoring the occurrence closely. 40 Cases have been reported in the past two days which adds to the 419 already noted this year, pushing the total cases so far to over three times last year’s total and setting a new high for the city.

Skin rash as a result of scarlet fever

Scarlet fever is caused by bacterial infection and has certain telltale symptoms which include a sore throat, skin rashes, a fever and the most obvious and well known ‘Strawberry’ tongue. It can be transmitted by direct contact with a sufferer or by moisture from breathing and sneezing.

Strawberry tongue is not exclusive to scarlet fever

The Hong Kong Ministry of Health is advising people to take extra precautions to avoid contracting scarlet fever by washing their hands regularly, cover their mouth when coughing or sneezing and most of all to avoid crowded places where possible.
They have also warned tourists about the outbreak and urged them to follow the same advice as residents.

Strawberry tongue can also occur as a result of Kawasaki Disease and Toxic Shock Syndrome but in all cases professional advice should be sought immediately. Vitamin B12 deficiencies can also lead to a similar appearance around the tongue and lips.

'Rely' tampons were at the heart of a Toxic Shock Syndrome epidemic in 1978-1980

Kawasaki Disease is normally more prominent in children under the age of five and is an autoimmune disorder. Toxic Shock Syndrome is potentially fatal and is caused by bacterial toxins. It became prominent in 1978 when ‘Rely’, a tampon brand made by Proctor and Gamble in response to demand from women for a sanitary towel or tampon which could contain an entire menstrual flow without leaking or need of replacing was found to develop TSS in women using their brand.

Please share your thoughts on Kong Kong’s Scarlet Fever outbreak by leaving a comment.

Read about Jett Travolta who died after a siezure which was linked to Kawasaki Disease.


Suntan culture: Dying for your vanity

When I was growing up in England during the 1970s it was quite unusual to see someone with a suntan. It meant they had done something preposterous like go on a summer holiday – overseas! They probably even took a plane! I mean, space travel was no less inconceivable. Those tans you did see were generally light, fairly natural looking and accompanied by a spatter of cute freckles.

Then all of a sudden it became fashionable to look like you’d just been marinated in (recently banned in Denmark) Marmite, and the ever darkening tan became a status symbol and gauge of how successful your holiday had been: of how exotic the destination; and it seems, how successful you are as a person.

Suntan extreme: This skin damage is so bad it's visible from space.

Now, up until fairly recently, historically, it was considered awfully common to be suntanned. A suntan meant you were a vulgar serf who worked outside in the sun all day, getting your hands dirty, and therefore were no better than a filthy animal. You smelly peasant. In ancient Rome and Greece, bronzed skin was so reviled that lead paint was applied to the face to give it the appearance of alabaster. Weeks later, in the tenth century, ladies employed arsenic to create an illusion of pallor. My really quite pathetic research failed to reveal whether or not this killed them.

This trend for deathly pallor continued throughout history. In the Elizabethan era, women plastered themselves in white powder and even painted pale blue lines onto their foreheads to make their skin appear translucent.

Even well into the penultimate century, it was unusual to see an educated woman out of doors without some sort of large hat or parasol providing umbrage and protecting her hue-less flesh from the sinister effects of the sun.

And then in the 1920s Coco Chanel went and changed everything after returning from a holiday with a tan, and women everywhere, collectively squealed and wanted to be the same.

And the obsession with the suntan was born.

These women take time out from motherhood to top up their suntans.

Holidaying abroad had become popular for the rich and a bi-product of holidaying abroad was of course a suntan. Only disgusting poor people were pale who couldn’t even afford to spend the summer in the South of France. Uerrgh – fetid proletariats.

Come the 40s and 50s, fashion dictated that swimsuits consist of less and less fabric, exposing more and more skin to the big round sky egg. The 60s brought forth the bikini, and then along came the 1970s and foreign travel became more affordable and popular and the suntan became the ultimate accessory that informed the man in the street that you were so cosmopolitan that you had eschewed a fortnight in the overcrowded, rain lashed beach towns of England’s grey and depressing coast, in favour of somewhere truly exotic, like the Costa del Sol in nearby sun riddled Spain.

Twenty or thirty years later, the effects of this boon became apparent with a sudden rise in skin cancer and government warnings of the risks of accelerated ageing. And strangely, many of us were that obsessed with looking good in the moment, rather than cease this behaviour, people continued to sunbathe. Lying out like oiled oompaloompas on a grill, more determined than ever to “not go home without a tan.”

Suntans have turned many people into oompa-loompas.

Spot the unhealthy one

Women bought white swimwear and accessories to accentuate the degree of sun damage they had managed to obtain, as if publicly celebrating their stupidity.

I’m fortunate enough now to not live in England in the 1970s, or thankfully any subsequent era for that matter, but on the Spanish coast, and I still see the holidaymakers splayed across the beach like badly creosoted lobster or lined up like a row of old moccasins in a second hand shoe shop. It’s still a race to see who can look the most like old furniture.

Now I’m lucky enough to have the kind of cadaverous and bloodless peel that makes people feel sick it’s so unfashionably and painfully translucent. It would be easier to put an octopus in a straitjacket than to give my body an all over tan. And that has paid off for me. There is nothing like being crap at something to put you off wanting to do it. So whilst all the good-looking popular fashionable girls blacked up, I used to sit indoors, drawing psychotic pictures that would make John Wayne Gacy appear sane, and writing odious poetry to my parents. These days, not much has changed and in particular I appear to have less wrinkles than my contemporaries and I don’t look like I’ve been clumsily hewn from old wallets. I don’t have the gorgeous alabaster skin of Julianne Moore or Kate Beckinsale – the see through one – my skin is more like badly made porridge that has been rolled in a dish of full stops – but that’s ok. I’ve learned to accept that. I’ve got fewer wrinkles than many people for my age, an adorable puppy and a boyfriend with a *trick block (Mikeney Rhyming Slang) – which helps me deal somewhat with the stigma of having pasty and unfashionable skin.

A pallid Julianne Moore - hideous without a suntan.

A suntan is as much a sign of healthy skin as coughing is a sign that cigarettes are good for you. It’s a sign that your skin is damaged. Considering it is generally people who are image conscious that want the fashionable suntan in the first place – you would think they would start considering the long term effects. The transient appeal of a suntan is a high price to pay for leathery skin at best, or skin cancer at worst.

As absurdly skinny models were banned from certain catwalks, perhaps we should protect our impressionable young by cutting down on the amount of bronzed bodies they are bombarded with in magazines.

It’s depressing seeing lines of topless young girls on the beach (unless you’re a teenage boy who’s never seen boobies before), drenched in sun-oil, smoking a cigarette, reading a fashion mag and drinking a soda. Just kill yourself if life is that bad that you are willing it to end. Kill yourself.

Personally, I like pale skin. I like the statement it makes about the person. It’s their natural color and it says that they don’t follow fashion, or at least they aren’t prepared to die in search of it. There is nothing de rigeur about skin cancer, there is nothing attractive about looking like you’re made from old handbags, and there is nothing sexy about being dead. Unless you are a necrophile.

Please let us know your views on the suntan culture by leaving a comment.


Outraged Brits smited by Marmite-hating Danes

Those bloody Vikings have gone and done it this time. Much to the horror and fury of English expats living in Denmark, the Danish government have only gone and banned Marmite, or to be precise, vitamin-enriched foods, which equates to the same thing.

Marmite is a British institution. Yeah ok, so it tastes slightly ferrous, and looks like the kind of toxic loblolly you’d use to lubricate components in a car engine, but many Brits love it. As do their dogs. Marmite on toast is the English national dish. They even have Marmite-flavored potato chips, and chocolates made with Marmite. English hookers even smear marmite on condoms, oft just eating the condom like a tasty mid-fuck snack. Marmite is a spread with an edge. If you haven’t tried it, don’t expect jam. It’s no marmalade. And it’s certainly a far cry from Nutella. Thinking lemon curd? You’re miles out.

Marmite: tar in a jar, despised by Danes and Viking types.

It’s an acquired taste for sure, and like anal sex, there are as many that hate it as love it; but banning it has left a lot of expats understandably shaken, and the Danish government might want to mobilise forces, deploy soldiers, and slip into combatant footwear for the outcry this yeasty spread-related embargo might cause.

Now I’m the first to admit that Marmite is probably not the healthiest food. I generally give all these ‘vitamin enriched’ foods a look of suspicion as I glide past with my shopping trolley, heading virtuously, if not a little sanctimoniously toward the organic vegetable aisle; but there are far more sinister things than Marmite clogging up our supermarket aisles, giving us the gift of cancer and taking our lives. Aspartame, table salt, sugar, animal fat, low quality animal protein, and processed meats such as bacon and salami that are marinated in sulphates. Oh, and what about cigarettes and alcohol? Mama Cass choked on a sandwich. Hitler was a vegetarian. Although he still ate bullets.

Airlines in Denmark have had to employ extra staff to deal with the droves of  terrified Britons urgently packing up and leaving the country to return home, unable to imagine life beyond the sticky paste. Those who couldn’t find or afford immediate flights have taken to swimming back to the UK. Celebrities With Diseases field helicopter has reported that desperate Marmitees have been spotted crossing the North Sea and are being met as they stagger onto British sand (well, sharp pebbles) with foil blankies and intravenous drips, filled with black sticky stuff.

I love Marmite me, but sticking it in chocolate is taking it too far. What's wrong with Twiglets?

The Danes banning this Brit institution is tantamount to insipient rebellion. Marmed insurgents have smeared their naked bodies in the ‘tar in a jar’ and are running naked through the streets of Copenhagen this afternoon, (weather permitting) storming government buildings, in order to lobby officials and effect an immediate lift on the ban.

You smite the ‘Mite, you smite Britain.

It wouldn’t be the first time an innocent breakfast spread caused the collision of disparate nations, and the eventual outbreak of war. It’s a little known fact that the Second World War started over a jar of marmalade.
Other seemingly innocuous comestibles dissed by the Danes, include Ovaltine, Horlicks and Farleys Rusks. Is there no God?!

Marmite is no stranger to headline news. In 1994 it was accused, but then acquitted of smearing itself all over the naked torso of a 12-year-old child, whilst several middle-aged business men, sat around aghast, unable to assist the youngster, due to their trousers being around their ankles.

Anyway, I’m off to smear scoops of gloopy Marmite all over my body, like arse sex, and set fire to the Danish flag.

Fuck you, Denmark. Fuck you!

Other countries who have banned things include Australia (cress), England (red squirrels), China (eyelids) and Uganda (arse sex).

Leave your dirty, brown gloopy thoughts on the ‘tar in a jar’ Marmite in a tasty yet slightly salty, Danishly detested comment.


OMFG The ZOMBIES are coming! CDC Issues survival manual

With May 21st fast approaching and armageddon casually strolling down our collective driveways it seems that the CDC are trying to trump Harold Camping and his Rapture by issuing a genuine disaster prevention program aimed at keeping safe in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Sounds ominous doesn’t it? Looks like those crazy geneticists have finally gone too far and created that most awful, fearsome, disgusting, foul and deadly creature of all – THE ZOMBIE.

I can’t imagine anything less scary than being overrun by a horde of smelly shufflers, dragging their mangled, rotting limbs behind them in search of sustenance from human brains; stumbling into the house, mumbling incessantly and knocking things over while drooling on the carpets rendering them irredeemable, thus costing a fortune in new furnishings (because you can bet your bottom dollar that ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ isn’t on the house contents insurance policy) once the rot has finally set in and conquered.

I had a very similar experience when I went to see British 90‘s indie band “Ride” play live. I stood in a crowd of people who were staring so intently at their shoes the whole time that the room became a mass of buffeting shufflers with no awareness of anything about them, so lost in the mesmerising lure of their laces they were.

Human or zombie? Hard to tell a shoegazer from the undead.

The Center for Diseases Control and Prevention has gone to pains to make sure we’re ready in the event of a shuffler outbreak and have taken a similar approach to dealing with natural disasters on a personal level. These steps include having an ‘emergency kit’ on hand at all times. The kit should include First Aid supplies, spare clothes, a battery powered radio, a torch, clean water and enough food to last a few days until you can get to a safe house or emergency centre.


No mention of chainsaws? What a let down.

Let’s face it though, in the event of a zombie holocaust we wouldn’t have to wait long until it was safe to go outside again; a few days in and they’d all have rigor mortis or would have fallen apart from stinky rot.

And why oh why do zombies never attack each other? Undead biggots.

Old school zombies are not exactly the fastest creatures either; they’re really the procrastinators of the monster universe. See a pack of bloodthirsty zombies? Casually walk past and ignore them.

Zombies. Terrifying.

For those of us that have seen zombie apocalypse movies like ‘Dawn of the Dead’ we should be pragmatic enough to know that we NEVER attempt to make it to an emergency compound. They’re a recipe for disaster and as we all know, one zombie bite can turn a whole city into ambling, maggot spilling pus-bags in the space of a few hours – even faster than Big Brother.

So why is the CDC issuing a Zombie Apocalypse preparedness program?

The conspiracy theorists (or ‘Truthers’ as they’ve rebranded themselves recently) will be jumping for joy and thanking the heavens that their wish for a real life zombie infestation (read as ‘any attack on mankind’) has come true. Their existences will be validated and they will have been granted bragging rights over all those doubters in the world who cruelly referred to them as ‘nutjobs’, ‘scaremongers’, ‘sensationalists’ and ‘twats’.

Riddle me this Truthers. "Never let the truth get in the way of a good conspiracy" - That's their motto. Well, it would be if they started having a motto.

Should we be scared though? This is an official government agency and if they’re saying there’s zombies then there must be zombies.

Hate to shatter your fantasy but the CDC has cleverly chosen to use zombies as the response to fears over radiation from the Fukushima disaster in Japan because by doing so they have reached a wider audience than they normally would. It turns out that they’ve had a lot of questions from members of the public asking whether zombies are a real possibility or not due to radiation.

My god, people = stupid.

Do some homework; look at the last large scale radioactive leaks and see for yourselves that there were no zombies created by Chernobyl for instance. You’ve no need to fear zombies anyway – they’ll all be sat in their lazyboys drinking ‘Bud’ and watching American Idol, playing World of Warcraft or listening to Alex Jones ranting about nothing in particular.

These situations really are the result of two generations of humans being raised by the electric babysitter and the only reason we’d ever have to fear a real zombie apocalypse is if TV transmissions ended and the hordes went in search of a feed from the cathode ray teat.

Switch off the television set, go out and do something less boring instead. The westernised world is awash with TV addicted Zombies.

Hats off to the CDC for a clever piece of marketing, and although their zombie advice may seem perverse to the more sane out there, it does serve as a good common sense guide to living and coping with a natural disaster such as floods, fires, hurricanes and of course radioactive-zombie-making-satellites crashing to Earth.

Get a healthy debate going on a possible zombie apocalypse by leaving a comment.


Uganda wants death penalty for gay people

It’s all going on in Uganda at the moment, a country famous for genocide since its independence in 1962 and sounding almost like someone asking you to observe something in a goosey way. You only have to hang around on the up-to-date engine for misinformation and askew facts, Facebook, for a few minutes ‘liking’ exquisite photos of your youngest brother naked, to be inundated with news bulletins from trusted sources such as a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, who you only befriended because they looked like they had nice tits in a photo, once, when you were drunk.

The lastest newsflash being batted (no almost pun intended. Well, maybe.) about on Facebook, and rightly so, is the death sentence apparently soon to be introduced in Uganda for those found guilty of the heinous crime of being light on your loafers or a little bit of a faggot. So it seems that Ugandan men are the only men in the world who don’t have the generic lesbian fantasy.

This is what Uganda does to straight people - god help homosexuals

Now we all know that homosexuality is a big fat abomination, but with our crazy liberal laws in the West where people generally have a say in what they insert inside themselves (until they criminalize organic vegetables for their evil role in reducing medical bills at least) it’s sometimes hard to imagine that on other continents there are firstly, different coloured people, and secondly, that they might like a drop of the same freedom we filthy arse-licking libertines enjoy. When we are asked to think about a country like Uganda for example, we generally think about genocide and that it’s probably far too hot there to wear a feather boa.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m neither racist or homophobic, honest. Some of my best friends are poofs and pakis.

LGBT’s (lezzers, gays, bisexuals, transgenders) already have no legal right to protection in Rwanda, and the socially conservative government and religious fanatics (Who knew the ‘backs to the wall lads here come the Catholics’ would be behind this?) are pushing for fierce penalties for those that do gay stuff. I’d say death was a bit drastic for letting someone who wants to put their penis up your bottom, put a penis up your bottom, if you want them to put their penis up your bottom. Use enough lube and no one dies.

Proving what a crazy liberal humanitarian bunch the Ugandan government are, it is currently completely legal to be homosexual in Uganda. Unbelievable! But luckily homosexuals and transgender people regularly suffer harassment, physical intimidation and assault, along with prison sentences because of their sexual orientation.

Like Iran, Uganda has a dim view on gay people and look to be using the Arab country as a role model

Well, hanging is too good for them.

The prevailing belief being that homosexuality is a sure sign of unremitting immorality or just plain sickness or that it is something imported from another country, like the dirty UK, or those cheeky arse bandits in the US. A bit like the ebola virus but with sequins.

So how are they going to enforce this death penalty? If these despicable acts of genital frivolity are taking place in the privacy of people’s own homes, who is going to report them? Will the police have decoys? Will it be ok for them to “eat da poo poo”?

The Archbishop of the Episcopal Church of Rwanda called homosexuality ‘moral genocide’. And they should know. This is a country whose military leaders not only used public rape and sexual torture as an acceptable weapon against Tutsi women during the genocide, but recommended it.

A victim of corrective rape; because only in Africa is it legal to rape in the name of medicine.

In a special UN report it was stated that “Rape was the rule and its absence the exception.” It is estimated that between 250,000 and 500,000 women and girls were raped, publicly and brutally. Which might have been traumatic enough to make at least a few of them reach for the furry cup. Men were rarely the victims of rape but cases of them having their genitals removed and kept as trophies were reported. Which isn’t gay at all.

Other areas of Africa condone the use of ‘correctional rape’, a process where women are raped by men in the hope that it will have such a profound and positive effect on their state of mind that they’ll realise the error of their ways and forever more crave cock. I can totally see how that would work too – subject a woman who prefers the company of women to sex with an undoubtedly brutal, vicious, egotistical male bully who is unlikely to be a considerate lover, thus beating her out of that filthy lesbian trance with his meat truncheon.

You’d really think they’d be too busy cleaning up after the wee genocide problem they had in the last decade to be buggering (I waited paragraphs to say that) about with human rights.

So the medieval Rwandan government are threatening the death penalty to anyone caught practising homosexuality. What the penalty is once you’re proficient is not yet clear.

I think it’s time to mobilize forces against these draconian idiots. “Are you free Mr Humphreys?”

I'm free! John Inman would probably have struggled for a captive audience in Rwanda

“I’m free!”

Please sign the petition which will urge Uganda to vote against this horrendous, fascist notion that homosexuality must be banished.

Here’s the driving force behind the anti-gay movement in Uganda at work. EAT DA POO POO:


Leave a comment with your thoughts on the rise of Fascism in Uganda.

Read about famous homosexuals like Amber Heard; Perez Hilton; Melissa Etheridge and Elton John.


Android Honeycomb 3.1 is the end of civilisation

Google IO is hitting the trends list this morning due to a press release regarding the latest version of Android Honeycomb 3.1; a tablet configured operating system which now offers additional hosting facilities and resizeable widgets amongst other things.

I love a bit of technology me, and I like the fact that manufacturers are steering the market towards tablets for a number of reasons, but I do have my reservations about the true value of them and their impact on our health.

For me personally they’re a kind of ‘best of both worlds’ device as I can write, email, web browse, photo edit, skype and whatever else I need for work, and at the end of the working day I can unplug the keyboard, kick back and watch a movie with complete ease and convenience.

That’s all great, but what does bother me are things like the forthcoming Google TV application which Android Honeycomb 3.1 already has support for because it means that the tablet market is aiming itself squarely as an entertainment device more than anything else.


So here it is, my crazier than crazy hypothesis. If tablets are set to take the lion share of the market and give us that flexibility and lightweight convenience with mobile broadband, streaming television, widgets such as Spotify, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, et al, then surely it’s only a matter of time before we see tablet wielding yuppies strolling about the streets watching their favourite TV shows on-demand whilst forcing other pedestrians into sidewalk slaloms as they submerge themsleves into complete obliviousness.


Padded buildings and street furnishings will swiftly follow the launch of Android Honeycomb 3.1 and Google TV

I’ve already witnessed as much with people watching films on their mobile phones while chaotically ambling down the street with no consideration for other human traffic whatsoever.

In what suddenly became the norm during the 80‘s to have a TV in every room we started to see the faintest traces of social disintegration; family life became slightly more fractured as we were given the opportunity to watch different channels in different rooms at the same time and the quality of the programming deteriorated ever-so-slowly with the introduction of cable and satellite channels.

The entertainment market exploded during the 90‘s with Sky Sports coverage and the introduction of mass produced video game consoles which superceded their early ancestors with more powerful processors, superior graphics, better sound, a wider variety of titles and genres to choose from, and of course, the piece de resistance – online gaming.

While soap operas captivated the adult audience by reflecting our dowdy lives on the now flat screen boxes, teenagers and ageing Space Invaders fanboys (and girls) got to grips with l33t g4m3z and button mashing as they bid to be the best online gamer with the best powers and the best slotted toons with the best outfit, abusing each other via in-game chat consoles while bastardising the English language through text and l33t speak, leaving us with a nation of soap obsessed, illiterate zombies whose only purpose is to feed the flickery television machine as it feeds them in turn while living their dull existences through fictional characters with limited parameters and repetitive scenarios.

Okay, enough social entertainment history (not that it’s social), what the hell has this got to do with Android Honeycomb 3.1 you ask?

Simply put, Android Honeycomb 3.1 and the tablets it ‘brings life to’ are the next extension of a program which is slowly isolating virtually every human being in the western hemisphere. With entertaiment constantly at our finger tips we run the risk of becoming a totally dysfunctional race incapable of performing our daily duties to any significant degree of acceptability. Gamers get angrier over their ‘reputation’ as a l33t player, soaps make us even less satisfied with our lives in general and adverts and credit companies make us believe we can have what we want whenever we want it – and these tablets and latest mobile phones bring it all right to our finger tips.

You have been brainwashed into believing you need television and gadgets to entertain you, through which the conditioning perpetuates

Am I being negative? In some people’s eyes perhaps I am, but in truth I’m being realistic. For confirmation of that fact, look around you at the impact gaming and TV has on our lives. Gamers are spending upwards of six hours per day (more than 10 in many cases) glued to a screen getting angrier and more irritable by the minute as they try to obtain objects which don’t actually exist and have no value in the real world and certainly won’t help them get a job when they need it to fund their gaming addiction which will in turn lose them that job because the addiction is too powerful, while soap watchers come home from a boring job to watch boring characters live boring lives in a boring fictional place, then go to work the next day and boringly discuss the boring soap and the boring plot which somehow gives their life meaning.

With the latest technology and operating systems like Android Honeycomb 3.1 and Google TV allowing us to take these distractions everywhere we go, the future doesn’t actually look that bright for the human race.

Welcome to Planet Dickhead:

Please feel free to argue with me, or agree vehemently thus making interweb tribes by leaving a comment.

Read about deaths caused by excessive gaming; Gamestring make World of Warcraft mobile; zombies becoming real and the superbug which could create them (sort of).



Smallpox? Bigpox more like.

Often described as the most devastating disease in human history, you’d think they’d have renamed it bigpox by now.

There have been no known naturally acquired cases of el pox since 1977, the eradication of which is seen as one of the greatest modern medical achievements (That and those ‘flesh coloured’ cold sore disks that stand out like peach targets). All that exists of the virulent bugger are samples kept by both the USA and Russia and it’s these samples that are currently causing controversy.

The World Health Organization [WHO] meet during May and will decide the fate of these samples. Should all known traces be incinerated to avoid a potential accidental release, as happened in 1978 causing a single death, or should the samples be preserved, in order that scientists can study them more and get as much information as possible in therefore preventing a potential future epidemic?

Smallpox - Bloody unpleasant.

In an excerpt from his book Smallpox: Death of a Disease, published by Prometheus Books, author and previous director of the campaign to eradicate smallpox, Dr DA Henderson says, “If it’s destroyed, the statement is made that after this date, any scientists, any lab, any country that has that smallpox virus is guilty of crimes against humanity.”

Others feel that the type of person capable of wilfully releasing the virus – ie terrorists – will not be put off by the ‘crime against humanity’ label for possessing it and it might actually make the virus more attractive to them.  They argue, in fact, that without the live virus, scientists will be unable to prepare for such an event which creates a paradox.

“It would be very important to have something on the shelf that would help prevent or treat an epidemic, whether a virus was introduced by a terrorist or Mother Nature,” according to chief scientific officer of the pharmaceutical company SIGA, Dennis Hruby. SIGA is currently developing a treatment for smallpox. Hruby claims that humans are susceptible to other pox-like viruses and that it is highly likely that smallpox could re-emerge.

That’s so smallpox.

In 2002, scientists created a synthetic virus – worryingly by using instructions they’d found on the internet, meaning that even if it is destroyed, the virus could still be manufactured by some nutjob knob jockey terrorist. Or pharmaceutical company who could then develop a vaccine and sell it to the public at an extortionate price.

Did I type that or just think it?

[adsense]Eckard Wimmer, a professor at Stony Brook University in NYC, is in favor of destroying the virus outright, as he claims it would not be an easy virus to synthesize in a laboratory setting. There is no doubt a recipe for it somewhere on the internet. Look harder Wimmer. Look harder.

“Not only would you have to have experience, you have to have extensive laboratory space, high containment so it would not contaminate the surroundings, and expensive instruments; all of this poses a barrier for malicious intent,” according to Wimmer. “If a government wanted to do that, they would have the resources. But we in the scientific community hope that this will not happen, because in a sense somebody who would release the virus would ultimately hurt him or herself, because the virus will come back. The people who synthesize it may be protected, but their relatives, their friends and the community in which they live, the state in which they live, will not be protected.”

It is said that smallpox has caused more human deaths across the centuries than any other virus. It is a virus unique to human beings, and given our overpopulation now it means that an outbreak could in theory wipe us out entirely, leaving other less virulent species to inhabit the earth without being tortured, poisoned, or hit by cars etc. Doesn’t sound like such a bad thing does it? Yeah we’d miss the finale of We’ve got absolutely no celebrity talent idol, get us out of here but at least we wouldn’t have to go to work, right?

Sadly as a species I think we’ve probably already irrevocably damaged the planet. Ho hum. And I don’t really want to die yet. Who would stop my dog from being stolen by street beggars, tortured by sadists or hit by a car…  Oh, now I get it.

Leave a comment with your thoughts on Smallpox and the rise of stupidity.

Read about the return of Smallpox in House; Epstein-Barr Virus; Rubeola; HIV and AIDS; and the theory of real life zombies.


420 DUDE – Let's skin up!

Today is a very special day in the junkie calendar as across the globe the unwashed and unmotivated unite in order to ignite and celebrate 420 – an official holiday dedicated to dope heads.

All around the world, but in particular in the US, groups of pot heads are likely to spark up and toke to commemorate all the good that weed does around the world.

If they can motivate themselves to get out of bed that is.

Stoners all over the world skin up for 420

In past years, large groups of people have gathered together in order to smoke marijuana on 420, especially and surprisingly on college campuses and on Hippy Hill in San Fran.

Students? Hippies? Stoned?

According to Steven Hager of High Times magazine the term 420 was coined by a group of Californian teenagers in the early seventies. The pesky kids met in order to look for a marijuana crop they’d heard rumours of. Repeated excursions to locate the crop led them to meet daily at 4:20 pm.

Scooby Doo? Dooby Doo more like.

Since then, the term grew in popularity and became shortened to 420 – a term short enough that even stoners could remember it, until it became a common term within drug subculture.

‘I believe 420 is a ritualization of cannabis use that holds deep meaning for our subculture. It also points us in a direction for the responsible use of cannabis,’ mumbled Hager, possibly through a toxic fog. Apparently. Maybe.

[adsense]Pro drug campaigners have chosen the day as a time for protestation and to campaign for the decriminalization of the drug. And some people just get together to have a bit of a spliff and talk deep shit/plain rubbish, of no interest to anyone, not also in a stupor, and to repeat themselves because they can’t remember that they’ve already said what they just said – just.

That’s happened to me several times.

As a liberal minded individual, I like to think that we should all have the right to decide whether we want to smoke something that makes us stupid or more stupid or not. There are other, way more pernicious drugs infiltrating our malls and colleges, but the ‘happy and harmless’ drug is not as beneficial as some would have us believe. Many times it really is a catalyst that stimulates us to find the ever elusive and more powerful high, just as beer drinking can lead to marinating ourselves in a bath of hot vodka and doing octopus rolls down Madison Avenue, wearing nothing but sick.

That happened to me but only once.

Bob Marley kicks back and enjoys a spliff after writing a new song. Remember he's famous for music - mainly.

Some states in the US permit the use of marijuana – which has been used as an effective pain killer since agony first gained popularity and Neanderthal man’s digits became adept enough that he could piece rolling papers together and daintily lick the adhesive strip, without eating the entire assembly.

Expect to hear a lot of Bob Marley today and remember to keep a stash of dirty needles as ‘International Smack Day’ (the Martini drug of choice for abusers) is soon to follow.

Please share your thoughts on pot smoking and the rally for legalization by leaving a comment.

Read about some famous pot smokers like Rhys Ifans; Stephen Gately, Natalie Portman, George Michael and Mike Starr.