Victoria Beckham's Bunion Bonanza

Victoria Beckham looking gaunt and gothlike

Victoria Beckham looks like she’s trying out for the next installment of the Adams Family. See what I did there?

Victoria Beckham returned to the UK over the weekend and immediately got down to the important business of high street shopping; albeit shopping in Marylebone Street. She is thought to be back in England to visit family and prepare for the forthcoming New York City Fall Fashion Week in February.

Her fashion design studios are located in the UK so you could call her visit to William Vintage a research project and her bags of goodies a glance at the opposition.

And the former Posh Spice has been busy in the world of glamour and panache having debuted her ‘Victoria Beckham Spring 2013 Collection’ at New York Fashion Week [NYFW] at which she received glowing reviews for her use of ‘ladylike silhouettes, sheer panels and vivid colorblocking’.

Of course all this time on her feet has brought its own set of problems in the past and in 2009 she underwent an operation to cure her bunions; a painful deformation of the foot at the base of the big toe which can be worsened by wearing badly fitting shoes and lead to nerve damage and loss of feeling in the other toes if untreated.

Bunions - yuk

No these aren’t Victoria Beckham’s feet but her battered bunion skis aren’t much better.

Seemingly the painful growths on the balls of her feet haven’t deterred her from donning her heels; the demure star never seen without a pair, and one has to wonder how stressful it must be to have to be seen in designer shoes at all times. Surely she’d just love to slap on a pair of sneakers or big fluffy slippers to shlomp about the house; surely?

I can imagine her going to bed in heels just in case some paparazzi ninja sneaks under her bed covers and catches her feet as nature intended, such is the level of her paranoia in my imaginings (as evidenced by countless examples of her pouting and fawning).

Bruised, broken and battered by bunions. Beckham's bridges.

These are Victoria Beckham’s feet. I told you they weren’t any better.

No doubt she will sacrifice her ability to walk in future in order to look glamorous in the present moment and perhaps one of her designer friends will make her an orthopaedic heel so she can still look fabulous despite her deformed feet.



Bunions. M120/0098 Rights Managed. Credit: VICTOR DE SCHWANBERG/SCIENCE 


Victoria Beckham loses her baby weight

Victoria BeckhamDespite having just given birth a few minutes ago, it seems that Victoria Beckham is already focused more on regaining her two-stone child body than she is on feeding silicone milk to her new baby. That of Harper Seven.

The vacuous footballer’s wife is currently living alone in a 7-bedroom mansion in Malibu that she is renting from Steven Spielberg (for the paltry sum of $150k per month) whilst she focuses on regaining the figure of a withered stick sporting two massive bloated blouse berries.

Beckham is wasting away to subnormal by following a depressingly restrictive diet called the ‘five-hands diet’. Allowing the victim just five handfuls of food per day. For most of us that would be a form of torture, but when the most important thing in your life is looking like a whittled stick with the expression of a shocked blow-up sex doll in time for New York Fashion Week, I suppose living under a regime akin to starvation, is of no real importance.

According to ‘Mr. E. Source’ she has been snacking on miniscule portions of smoked salmon and tuna sushi in order to be in great shape for the forthcoming NY event. Mr Source told celebrity and handbag-loving mag, Grazia “Five days after giving birth, she started eating five high-protein meals a day accompanied by green vegetables, drinking gallons of water, and only snacking on goji berries and nuts.” She has also been doing some gentle exercise.

If you wish to emulate Victoria Beckham’s diet. All you have to do is eat five microscopically small high-protein meals a day and pray for a swift end.


Victoria Beckham admits to eating disorders

Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham has finally admitted to having suffered from an eating disorder in her first book Learning to Fly in which she tells of her relentless battle to look good.

In the book, the former Spice Girl details how she became“obsessed” with her body and with her appearance during the time when her career with the Spice Girls was at its peak. In the gym, instead of checking my posture or position, I was checking the size of my bottom, or to see if my double chin was getting any smaller.”

Beckham claims that her image obsession began in the early days of the Spice Girls, circa 1994, when their management told all five members of the girly group to slim down. Years of dieting ensued and at the suggestion of fellow Spice Girl Geri Halliwell, Beckham claims that she substituted food with liquid.

“I began living on vegetables and nothing else. But it never occurred to me that I had an eating disorder,” quotes the star as saying. Later, Victoria reportedly succumbed to binge eating, with the BBC reporting her as saying she ate ten bowls of cereal in one sitting.

But while the now super skinny footballer’s wife admits to being obsessed with her body  in the past, she passionately denies that she still suffers from eating disorders.

“I think there’s a big difference between someone having an eating disorder and someone who is controlled about what they eat,” she told People Magazine.

“I eat really healthy, I love Japanese food, lots of fish, any sort of fish, any sort of vegetable, lots of fruit, that kind of thing,” Beckham says.


Paris Hilton Tries to Sell Her Stuff to Indians

The most famous socialite in the world – Paris Hilton (the granddaughter of a hotel) – is currently in India promoting a range of handbags taken from her new Fall/Winter collection of her very own range of wonderful accessories for daft women. Obviously, what the world needs most during a recession is a wider choice of ghastly accessories for hideous and ridiculous women who value style over substance.

[adsense]The spoiled young heiress was photographed in India with a clutch of little Indian girls (spot the PR exercise), who ironically, probably made the bags in the first place. For some of them, it was probably the first time they’d seen daylight.

Suckers for anything Western regardless of whether they it’s a chain of restaurants that sells cancer to kids using a friendly paedophile clown or a convicted drug user, crowds of Indians (probably a few) turned up to give Paris Hilton – a living logo for a materialism – an impressive reception at a shopping mall in Mumbai yesterday. Unless they were just on their way to the Disney Store and thought ‘who’s that skinny white prick with the giant bags?’

Paris Hilton with a bag

Paris Hilton: A female celebrity with a bag. Very refreshing.

Paris spent some time greeting her very young fans for the cameras, who had been waiting just to capture a glimpse of a rich woman from America trying to sell them something they were too young to need.

As usual Paris, who is famous for releasing a sex tape, having her very own reality TV show and being so rich that she is beyond the law, posed and pouted for the cameras as she unveiled her new range of overpriced accessories to a market enthusiastic about anything from the Western world – which explains why obesity is becoming an increasingly massive problem since McDonalds and all the other purveyors of toxic wonder foods that have arrived from the promised land, so that Indians can be just like us in the Western world: obese, bad tempered, depressed, toxic and dead.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton: would you trust this woman to design something?

Princess Hilton of America is giving the impression that all her woes are  truly behind her now, having recently been sentenced to a years probation, 200 plus hours community service and fined a massive 2000 bucks for cocaine possession – which is going to smart someone of her ilk. She probably only has to sell one of her bags to cover that. She was also found guilty of obstructing a police officer. She was arrested after she accidentally revealed an eighth of a gram of coke in her handbag as she reached into it for a lip balm in front of a police officer in August last year.

Much like that other avatar of nothingness, Victoria Beckham, whose range of animal skin handbags thankfully saved the world from being overrun by the massive population of useless crocodiles (that are deemed ugly until they become accessories for vile rich women with no taste or soul), Paris Hilton is trying every method she can of garnering some iota of success for herself. Being cock arsingly rich, just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. So we have to put up with the single, the fragrances, the accessories, the sex tapes, the handbags, the clothing ranges and even the novels. The only thing I want to read by these empty noggined, pointless, clothes obsessed bimbags is a suicide note. Harsh but true.

Paris Hilton lips

Paris Hilton sulks when she finds out some Indian people can't afford her bags.

Paris Hilton’s Fall/Winter range of beautiful accessories is out now and come with useful hidden pockets ideal for concealing a small coke stash or IQ.

If you would like to comment on this article, please slide a dirty comment into the comment box below. You get extra marks for making us laugh by defending vacuous celebrities. You could also share or ‘like’ the article by employing one of the snazzy social media sharing icons that the artist has cleverly concealed elsewhere on this page. Thanks for reading.


David Beckham Dead But Still Buying Liz Taylor’s Jewels for Victoria

Please tell me it’s not true! No! No! He can’t be planning to buy Liz Taylor’s jewels for his greasy pig-faced wife?

David Beckham doesn’t know the saying ‘you can’t polish a turd’ because he can’t read. So he also doesn’t know that he died in a car crash.

[adsense]Haters of useless celebs faces positively lit up this morning when they heard that David Beckham was dead. Imagine their disappointment: the champagne bottles were uncorked, tablecloths laid, spam sandwiches sliced etc. It’s not that we want David Beckham dead of course –that would be truly vicious, he’s not Lady Gaga after all. He’s just a daft man taking advantage of what fate threw at him, but it’s what he and his vapid wife stand for – you know, the decline of society, the ability to kick a ball valued over intellect and individuality, appearance over substance, superficiality over depth… that’s what’s disgusting and makes him and wifey so easily detestable as public figures.

Victoria Beckham reacts to news of David's death.

Victoria Beckham became hysterical when she heard news of David's death in a car crash.

Twitter lit up on Wednesday when fans of men who can kick things expressed their shared grief over a hoaxy old tale of Beckham buying it in a car crash. Yet another fake celebrity death courtesy of the social networking tool aimed at the Neanderthal masses. More disappointment from the ranks of the celeb-haters. Booo! I’d pay to see the look on Victoria Beckham’s face if it was true. She might manage to twitch an eyebrow.

Smack me on the ass and call me ‘cynical’ but this death hoax business strangely materializes at the very same time that the undead David Beckham is promoting his new scent aka ‘Ug’.

Victoria Beckham pig-face

Greasy pig-face Victoria Beckham wonders what to wear to David's funeral.

These hoaxes are becoming common and boring, mainly because they are irritatingly untrue and should be enough to destroy any legitimacy that el Internet and its filthy progeny Twitter ever had. Was it ever a credible source of information? Just look at Wikipedia – a factual online encyclopedia written by the generally insane general public. Chinese whispers on a giant scale.

Other celebrity sites were quick to leak the story including details of the crash that never happened saying that it was a friend’s car and that Beckham was killed instantly after rolling the vehicle several times. Except that it never happened. ‘Witnesses’ even stated that they saw the vehicle cross double lines several times. For the funeral unfortunately a closed casket will be necessary ‘sources’ say, not because he suffered severe head trauma, but because he won’t be in there. Although I’m guessing lots of ‘friends’, ‘witnesses’ and ‘sources’ will be happy to provide plenty of information about the faux funeral anyway.

David Beckham kicking a ball

David Beckham kicks a ball - go on my son!

It makes you wonder if anything you read on the Internet is ever really true. It seems to be a big bag of hairy binary shit aimed at convincing the smelly, the needy and the gullible that excrement is really chocolate. And I thought that was Cadbury’s USP.

In other Beckham related news, the ball kicker is planning to surprise wife and bone bag, Victoria Beckham, the human equivalent of a cheese string, with Elizabeth Taylor’s diamond collection worth a few million or something, according to ‘a source’.  If a talentless court jester such as Victoria Beckham is going to own Liz Taylor’s diamonds, we might as well give Katie Price the keys to Buckingham Palace.

Liz Taylor's jewels

Liz Taylor's jewels - soon to belong to blow-up doll Victoria Beckham.

The jewels are due for auction in December at Christies with all proceeds going to the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation.

You can’t polish a turd, David. You’ll get smelly fingers.

It’s a depressing indictment of our times that he kicks a ball and she is notoriously useless but between them they are worth over $200million or some shit like that – that’s at least $199,999,995 more than they deserve.

I sometimes worry I might run out of negative things to say about the Beckhams, but that’s clearly just me being paranoid. I don’t wish they were dead, but I do wish they would stop polluting the media with their tiresome existence.

If you would like to comment on this piece, rush to the Beckham’s defence etc you can kick one into the comment goal below. Please be aware that this is an opinion piece and unfortunately is in no way indicative of the way the rest of the world sees the Beckhams. Shame.


Mel B wants to have even more kids

Mel B wants to have more children and is hoping to break into the record books by siring sprogs with as many different fathers as possible.

As the saying goes, “you can take the girl out of the council estate, but you can’t take the council estate out of the girl.”

It is unclear whether Mel B (Melanie Brown) wants more children in the hope of getting her own council subsidised flat and increased benefits which the British government are always keen to hand out, or if she actually wants kids for the right reasons.

Mel B and Emma Bunton of the Spice Girls.

Formerly of the Spice Girls, a ‘group’ of low class English females who were good at shouting, pouting and louting (but little else), and which has spawned serial child dispenser Victoria Beckham (currently with four to her name – all with the same man though).

Having just unleashed her third daughter on the world, Madison, Scary Spice is now talking up the prospects of sullying the planetary gene pool even more.

“I want some more. I love kids. I say if you can have kids, have them, and if not, adopt.”

Mel B looking good at the pool in LA. It is unsure whether she was pregnant or not at the time.

Current husband Stephen Belafonte who also has seven-year-old daughter from a previous girlfriend is in accord with his current fling and backed her up saying, “Maybe we’ll adopt. Helping an underprivileged kid is a good thing. You can change someone’s life who is already here.”

They could both help the lives of many people already here by shutting up and going away. For some reason Mel B is still clinging to celebrity status despite having done pretty much nothing since the Spice Girls‘ demise other than have a child and a terrible marriage with Jimmy Gulzar, a fling and another child with Eddie Murphy, and now what? Married to Stephen Belafonte who is famous for producing some awful films and punching men in London hotels.

Mel B with husband Stephen Belafonte. He's a film producer and pugilist you know.

Having almost separated in August 2010 the couple seem to have tried to patch their marriage up by having a child which is always a fantastic method and rarely ever fails to cover the cracks in any relationship.

Despite the setbacks, Mel is dogged in her determination to shit another one out, partly because her first daughter, Phoenix (presumably named after Peter Kay’s ‘Phoenix Nights‘, a comedy set in a Bolton working men’s club – something which must bring great comfort to Mel B) wants a baby brother.

“Phoenix is over the moon but I think she’d still like a boy, so maybe we’ll try again in a few years.”

In a few years she’ll be old enough to have her own and get a council flat on the back of it.

Mel B and Eddie Murphy's child Phoenix wants a baby boy.

Mel seems happy that she’s getting things right at the third time of asking though.

“Ideally you want to have your loving partner who you’ve created this baby with by your side throughout everything and Angel and Phoenix’s cases, that wasn’t the set up.

“This time, I’ve done it with my partner, someone to come to every appointment with me – to get excited by the scans. It finally feels like I’ve done it right.”

Time will tell but for now, please let’s all give the couple so much privacy that they disappear off the radar forever, go back to their respective malls and council estates and never again scratch the insides of our craniums with their inane, generic, dull drivel.

Feel free to call the writer of this article hurtful names by leaving a comment or you can agree and we’ll all have a backslapping party together and who knows, maybe even get some pitchforks and burning torches.

Read about the Beckham’s having another kid, David Beckham wanting to make it unlucky seven, speculation around Victoria Beckham’s next child.


David Beckham loves the number seven because that's as high as he can count

I’m not sure whether it’s because there’s a pledge drive by whoever pulls the celebrity strings to pollute the gene pool with their excessive number of progeny, or that they just love riding each other bareback. Whatever the case, David Beckham has told Ellen DeGeneres that he and Victoria (his stick thin, wife – and that’s just her IQ) would happily welcome another baby, even though Posh has just had one taken out of her womb via the sunroof again.

The fact that all of her children have been delivered via caesarian section speaks volumes about the couple. Firstly her cervix must be so small that only maggots, microbes and ringworm can travel through it, which also casts aspersions over David’s manhood. That’s probably why he plays football.


Don't lie David, we all know its socks.

The decline of mankind is undoubtedly due to several things, but do low intelligence celebs like Posh and Becks really need to keep contributing to its over-burdened numbers? Before long we’ll be chin deep in monosyllabic retards craving fame and recognition through whatever medium they can afford. Oh wait…

At a time when over population is taking its toll on the planet’s resources and celebrity cults are turning the proletariat masses into gibbering sycophants, surely the last thing we need is another Beckham for weak willed morons (other than its parents) to drool over.


The Beckhams. So Sexy. And by 'sexy' I mean 'retarded and desperate'.

All this talk stems from David Beckham’s fixation with the number seven. It’s his only daughter’s middle name; his old playing number for Manchester United; his IQ score and the amount of brain cells he has left.

Victoria meanwhile is back on the fashion hamster wheel, thinking that she’s making a vital contribution to society with her animal unfriendly garb and ‘prestige’ name. And she’s right in part, but only the bit where she’s a good indication of how not to be unless your ambition in life is to be a worthless whore who will sell itself for any slice of fame it can get.


Victoria Beckham and her entourage return home after a day of shopping for baby clothes.

After some unrigorous training on an exercise bike and living on a diet of three spinach leaves a day to get her ‘figure’ back, Posh said recently, “It’s nice to be back in fashionable clothing.”


Must have had someone write that for her.


Victoria Beckham in fashionable clothing. Nice.

Anyway, hopes here at CWD are that they will be unable to bring any more pointless sacks of screaming, pissing skin into the world before an international embargo is placed on the amount of children a family can have. You might disagree so why not splash your man-sauce-thoughts over our comment gene pool below.

Read about David Beckham and the alleged prostitute, Harper Seven Beckham’s arrival, Victoria Beckham’s vanity reaching new frontiers, her vag envy over Tana Ramsay and starving herself to lose baby body.


Victoria Beckham has vagina envy over Tana Ramsay

Victoria Beckham‘s life never seems to get any easier. Having abandoned her five week old daughter in order to get her lollipop and two gobstoppers figure back at the Steven Spielberg’s very reasonably priced $90,000 per week retreat, the vapid Beckham is now suffering a bout of vagina envy over her supposed best friend Tana Ramsay.

Our dear posh spice slipped a disc in her back after giving birth to Harper Seven Beckham, the daughter she so desperately wanted (only to abandon after five weeks as previously mentioned) and has been unable to exercise since. This lack of a good workout means she’s had to survive on a diet of two cilantro leaves per week and less water than is required to drown a single cell organism (a being similar in dimensions to Posh’s personality).

Victoria Beckham relaxes after her slipped disc episode.

With their mum out of the way the other Beckham progeny have been down the beach with Tana Ramsay of whom they uttered the dreadful word (at least to their mother) ‘Cool’.

Despite being her closest friend, Victoria is now feeling jealous of Ramsay who she has been advising on looks and where to shop in LA.

According to some other celebrity news sources a ‘friend’ (read as made up) has said that Posh ‘feels awful being jealous as Tana’s her closest friend, but Victoria’s hormones are all over the place at the moment.’

Best friends forever - because 37-year-olds really speak like that.

The most shocking thing about all this is the fact that Beckham is able to express her emotions. Proven to be a liar after denying having had a boob job for years until she let it slip that she’d in fact had enlargement and reduction procedures, it’s hard to believe anything that comes out of her mouth – that’s if it can muster the strength to be heard through that sphincter-like pout.

She is without doubt one of the most desperate celebrities out there and her lack of any discernible talent apart from pouting and standing awkwardly proves how shallow the celebrity world can be.

What are we seeing here? Is this a close up of Victoria Beckham's solitary brain cell or did her boob job go horribly wrong?

While other stars such as Daryl Hannah are being arrested for trying to save the environment and Alicia Silverstone is campaigning for animal rights, poor little Victoria Beckham is suffering with a bit of a back problem and raging jealousy over another woman’s looks.

There have been rumours about a planetary population cull and if there were nominations going then Beckham should definitely top the list followed swiftly by Lady Gaga. Neither of these so called celebs serve any purpose whatsoever. They are not intelligent enough to be entertaining which is ultimately what a celebrity should be about.

Actually, that is quite entertaining.

Share your thoughts on Victoria Beckham’s shallow nature by leaving a comment.

Read about Beckham’s hair loss tragedy, her bodily obsession, her stupid royal wedding look and more on her ridiculous boob job.


Victoria Beckham: Starving to Lose Baby Weight and Regain Twig Body

In order to prove once again how utterly bland and superficial she is, Victoria ‘body and iq of a small child; breasts of a grapefruit tree’ Beckham, the blow-up doll voted most poppable, is already focussing more on regaining her two stone (17lbs of which is silicone) size zero child body than she is on feeding silicone milk to recently shat out pink-dressed mannequinette and potential infant fashionista, Harper (Ain’t those Beckhams’s quirky) Seven, just five weeks old. [adsense]Whilst pregnant, the vacuous one doubled her weight, putting on a colossal 1stone 7lb and is currently living alone in a 7-bedroom mansion in Malibu that she is renting from Steven Spielberg for the paltry sum of $150k per month (because she’s worth it), whilst she focuses on regaining the figure of a withered stick sporting two massive bloated blouse berries. Beckham is wasting away to subnormal by following a depressingly restrictive diet called the ‘five-hands diet’. Allowing the victim just five handfuls of food per day, the diet is a form of torture. But when the most important thing in your life is looking like a whittled stick with the expression of a shocked blow-up sex doll in time for New York Fashion Week, I suppose living under a regime akin to starvation, is of no real importance.

Victoria Beckham: wants to lose her baby weight by September.

Victoria Beckhamis famous for being married to a thick footballer (spot the tautology); being a dreadful singer; having a face like a fairly pretty pig going downhill, upside down on a white knuckle rollercoaster ride; for having tits like a pair of fermenting grapefruits, and for being slightly thinner than an emaciated twig. Although, according to reliable internet source of misinformation, Wickipedia, Victoria Beckham is a “singer, songwriter, dancer, model, actress, fashion designer and business woman.” She must have written that herself, because no one’s going to believe any of that. Her fans are illiterate anyway and the rest of us think she’s double rubbish. The phenomenal success of the Spice Girls demonstrates only how corrupt the music industry can be. They were a project to exploit the stupidity of a general public feeble in the presence of a catchy melody, regardless of its quality. Even autotune couldn’t rescue Beckham’s feeble Essex-girl attempt at vocals. The Spice Girls can’t call themselves musicians. That puts them in the same category as the Rolling Stones, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana and even Madonna. She simply can’t be in the same category.

Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham's winning smile.

The success balding Victoria Beckham achieved with her solo musical project speaks volumes for how good a songwriter she is. Actress? Apparently she had a cameo role in US soap Ugly Betty, once. So if that makes her an actress, I guess I can put that I am a gladiator on my resume, based on the fact that I once had an argument with my mom. Sadly, she’s considered an icon to young girls stupid enough to believe that she had anything to do with her inexplicable success or who idolise her because she has a large selection of stripper shoes, expensive bags (some ‘designed’ by her and hewn from the skin of exotic animals more intelligent than she is) and the interminable expression of a raped orthopaedic moccasion.

According to ‘Mr. E. Source’ she has been snacking on miniscule portions of smoked salmon and tuna sushi in order to be in great shape for the forthcoming NY event. Mr Source told lame celebrity handbag and shoe magazine, Grazia “Five days after giving birth, she started eating five high-protein meals a day accompanied by green vegetables, drinking gallons of water, and only snacking on goji berries and nuts.” She has also been doing some gentle exercise. Lifting an eyebrow, unpursing her lips – that kind of thing and is hoping to gradually build up to a bilious smile.

Victoria Beckham

Model Victoria Beckham shows off her very natural looking 'breasts'

The fact that a talentless dullard such as Victoria Beckham– a girl that should by rights be working as a pedicurist in a cheap mid-market beauticians on a bland high-street in Essex, has managed to redefine herself as some kind of generic underweight icon for fashion obsessed underthinkers and who can afford a life of such dramatic excess is startling, if not a little frightening. She must be exceptionally insecure knowing that she deserves nothing of what she has ‘attained’. If you wish to emulate Victoria Beckham’s diet. All you have to do is eat five microscopically small high-protein meals a day and pray for a swift end. If you want to further emulate the icon, you could strap two hefty mahogany globes to your collarbone, have a personality colonic and so much botox that absolutely no trace of human emotion is discernible on your big plastic head. There are two outstanding things about Victoria Beckham and they are attached to her collar bones. And they’re both fake. What a great role model for young girls.

Fake tits

Fake tits.

If you would like to comment on this article or reprimand the author for his blatant hatred of the massively talented Victoria Beckham, you can do so by easing your odious comments into the comments box below. You might also want to share it or ‘like’ it and can do so, using the social network icons that are also conveniently situated below. Thanks for reading.


Victoria Beckham is heartbroken by her thinning hair

Victoria Beckham’s vanity is once again making headlines as the vacuous and talentless former Spice Girl faces a crisis of monumental proportions. Posh is apparently living in fear of losing her supposed trademark hair due to a post-pregnancy condition which causes a form of Alopecia.

Victoria Beckham in 2009

Victoria Beckham in a natural pose with her trademark hairstyle.

Victoria Beckham’s hair has of course been anything but trademark, often scraped back into a pony tail or curled up in a bun; hardly a ground breaking style as it has been worn that way by matriarchs and serfs for centuries.

She has been lauded in the media for her style and looks, neither of which are real. After a boob job which made her look like she was smuggling a pair of grapefruits on her collar bones; botox, collagen implants, nose job and not forgetting a plethora of wigs, the very ordinary and average looking Essex girl finally became camera worthy.

What really grates is that her world is so small and her ego so large that events like the death of Amy Winehouse or Morrissey speaking out about animal rights are made to seem trivial compared by the exaggeratedly massive trauma losing one’s hair has on a personality bankrupt nobody. She doesn’t live in the real world at all but annoyingly still manages to invade it enough for whatever scraps of publicity she can get her talons into.

Famous only for being a footballer’s wife and one-time least active member of a girl band because she can’t sing or dance, Beckham has tried desperately for years to make a career as something tangible but failed at every turn. She now calls herself a fashion designer although she only endorses a brand which is actually designed by someone else.

Victoria Beckham, May 2011

Victoria Beckham looking pasty with her trademark hairstyle.

Posh (who is anything but) has nothing else going for her and when David Beckham hangs up his boots the couple will struggle to garner the same publicity they are currently enjoying. Unfortunately for her she isn’t as strong a parasite as Lady Gaga who seems to be able to turn anything into publicity for herself, even the death of Amy Winehouse who she never met.

[adsense]Victoria Beckham is too conservative to be dangerous, too dull to be flamboyant and too innocuous to impose herself on the public for long enough to keep us interested.

In a world infested with celebrities on drugs, being gunned down, stealing jewellery, making controversial films and dying after years of publicised addiction and substance abuse, the harshest thing we hear about Victoria Beckham is her fear of losing the thickness of her hair.

Cameron Diaz didn't make a big deal about going bald.

A well informed ‘insider’ (read as ‘made up’) who can’t tell the difference between eating disorders and hair problems told Now magazine, Victoria’s always felt her hair is her biggest problem.’

She used extensions for years, which left her with some patchy bald spots. When she fell pregnant her hair got shinier, thicker and stronger than it had been in years.’

‘She loved it and experimented with lots of different looks but it’s starting to fall out and she’s heartbroken.’

Natalie Portman went shaven in V for Vendetta and kept the look afterwards.

Poor Posh Spice, she hasn’t had her leg blown off in a fire fight by Colonel Qaddafi’s troops, she hasn’t lost her life after years of battling addiction, she hasn’t lost all her money like Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, nor has she been forced into a pen with pipes attached to her udders and milked to death; no, Victoria Beckham’s hair is going a bit thin.


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Read about her appearance at the Royal Wedding, as well as former Spice Girls Geri Halliwell and her uninspiring bikini range and Mel C’s eating disorders.