Ivanka Trump Gives Birth – Tweet tweet!

Another famo has squeezed one out and has chosen to inform the world by Tweeting.

Model, jewellery designer and TV personality (if being a judge on The Apprentice counts) and all round daughter of a squillionaire, Ivanka Trump announced the arrival of her firstborn on Sunday via the dubious public bullhorn of Twitter.

“We feel incredibly grateful and blessed. Thank you all for your support and well wishes!” ran the tweet.

Ivanka Trump - pregnant

Ivanka Trump - very pregnant

Trump converted to Judaism in 2009 in order to marry the baby’s father Jared Kushner who as owner of the New York Observer is no stranger to being sickeningly rich, himself.

When interviewed about the forthcoming child in Harper’s Bazaar in May this year Ivanka Trump told the magazine “We both said we wanted to wait one year and just enjoy being newlyweds. So we waited pretty much exactly that. Jared is ecstatic. She’ll be a daddy’s girl. I have a feeling they are going to gang up on me.”

[adsense]This as yet unnamed child makes Donald Trump a grandfather for the third time.

It must be strange being a famo. All those strangers reading your banal tweets and giving a shit. It’s destroyed the concept of celebrity as we know it. Famous people – back when they were stars – were either sophisticated, enigmatic or wild. They were urbane and had poise; they were shrouded in mystery; or they lived hedonistic lives of debauchery and big fat squelchy abandon. Finding out that Madonna ate popcorn for breakfast gave us an unparalleled insight into the life of the icon and it was something we could do too. Now Twitter is making it possible for us to infiltrate the lives of the famous. It is like leaving the backdoor open so we can peer in and see what celebrities are doing. They are like insects in a glass jar and we are removing the lid and peering in to watch them wriggle for us and they are inviting us to do so because without our attention, as celebrities, they die.

Twitter logo

Twitter: Follow me, like me, love me.

Nothing seems taboo when it comes to public bullhorning. Lily Allen tweeted about her miscarriage. Ashton Kutcher (who recently agreed to commit career suicide by replacing Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men) tweeted about Demi Moore “…My lovely wife through (sic) me a surprise party tonight with all of my friends. She’s the best and I love her so much.” Surely the gushy comments between a loved-up couple should be kept private. For all our sakes. If you want to proclaim unremitting love for your partner, do it discretely. That’s what makes it special. And proving that nothing is sacred, even the Dalai Lamar tweets.

Lily Allen

Lily Allen - tweeted about her miscarriage

I’m not vilifying Ivanka Trump for publicising her new arrival. I just find Twitter a bit distasteful. I liked the enigma of celebrity before Twitter came and made insects of them all.

If you would like to twitter on about Twitter or have a tweet about Ivanka Trump’s new bambino, take a moment to comment below:

 

Images: mix941fm.radio.com, usmagazine.com, petfinder.com, tweepi.com

David and Victoria Beckham give Birth and this time it's a pink one!

David and Victoria Beckham, the dimwitted ball kicker and unchallenged first lady of vacuousness and famous clothes wearer have squeezed another youngster into the world, despite the unanimated Victoria having hips the width of a small boy.

Harper Seven Beckham boldly fought her way out of her untalented mother via the sunroof on Sunday morning, at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

“I am so proud and excited to announce the birth of our daughter Harper Seven Beckham,” blubbed David on Facebook. “She weighed 7lbs 10oz and arrived at 7.55 this morning, here in LA. Victoria is doing really well and her brothers are delighted to have a baby sister xx.”

David and Victoria Beckham - very sexy

David and Victoria Beckham: the moment of conception captured here for prosperity

A spokesperson for the Beckhams tweeted the following:

“David & Victoria Beckham are delighted to announce the birth of their daughter.

“Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz are excited to welcome their new baby sister to the family.”

The insipid couple have already spat three progeny into the world: Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz, aged 11, eight and five respectively and all male.

[adsense]Last week David Beckham was enthusing about the tsunami of pink that had already inundated the family’s home since Victoria found out she was finally going to give birth to a precious little princess she could dress up like an ickle tiny her. Chances are the infant is already practising her obstreperous pout, permanent expression of gormlessness and wearing designer killer heels, with matching diaper.

Regarding the naming of the baby, it is thought that the couple may have named her after stuck up fashion periodical for bland women with too much time and money, Harper’s Bazaar. It could also come from the author of To Kill a Mocking Bird Harper Lee, but that would involve at least one of them reading something that doesn’t have glossy pages nor is laminated. Don’t want to cast aspersions but… unlikely then.

The child’s seemingly unusual middle name was probably taken from an episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza decides he wants to name his baby after his favourite player’s shirt number. David’s first shirt number at Manchester United was also the number ‘seven’.

The Spice Girls

The Spice Girls: Just what the world needs - another one of these.

Fellow Spice Girls were quick to send very personal and profoundly sentimental congratulatory words to the pair via Twitter, it being the ideal platform for people whose vocabulary is limited to several words and perfect for those people who want everything they do to be done publicly.

Bland blond Emma Bunton, who in real life, had stupidity not intervened, should be paring the dead skin from the pungent feet of fat rich women as she gave them pedicures tweeted ‘Big kiss @victoriabeckham can’t wait to meet your gorgeous little girl!’.

Whilst Mel B, who back in the real world, if a music industry executive hadn’t played Henry Higgins (or is that Dr Frankenstein?) and turned five unremarkable young nobodies into a saleable product, would be handing out fliers outside a generic nightclub in Tenerife, tweeted ‘congrats!!! Yippeee another spice baby is born…’

Victoria Beckham pregnant in bikini

Secret photo taken of Victoria Beckham whilst pregnant and put on Facebook. Apparently she didn't notice the film and lighting crew.

Yippee indeed. Another Beckham whelp sees the light of day. A living dolly is born.

If you’d like to congratulate the Beckhams for reproducing again, or would like to comment on this article, you can deliver your thoughts into the comments ward below which is currently dilated to six centimetres:

 

Images: popsugar.com, livingdoll.buzznet.com, blog.9.com.ua, wallpaperbase.com.

Beckham Baby Due Today: It's a girl!

Those adorably lifelike mannequins, the Beckhams – treated like royalty for some reason that has managed to obscure itself safely behind any kind of logic – are due to eject more progeny into the world today.

Lady Victoria Beckham of Vacuous has booked in to have a caesarean for this fourth Beckhamette, probably because a 17-calorie-per-day diet doesn’t provide enough energy to give the required push. Plus it would involve changing her facial expression from her usual affronted blow-up-doll pout.

Two-dimensional father-to-be David Beckham enthused “It’s a whole new different thing for us. To have so much pink in the house, lilac in the house, and dresses. All the clothes are ready, the room’s ready. We’re really excited.”

Can we safely guess that it will be a female type of human then? Which apparently is a completely different species to its male counterpart.

I’ve always found it a little distasteful, not to mention dull, how parents force their children into gender specific roles before they are even born. This baby Beckham princess is going to be wearing high-heels and lip gloss by the time she attends kindergarten, if Victoria can wait that long to start dressing her doll up. Whilst her male siblings are playing football, war games and shooting small animals in the face with plastic firearms no doubt.

Little boys pretend to kill peopleWe extrude our progeny through gender specific moulds so early on in life, encouraging girls to be useless coquettes, and boys to be competitive and monger war. What is so wrong with bringing a child up in a more gender neutral environment? Are we terrified our daughters will grow up to be filthy rotten smelly rugby-shirted lesbians, or even worse, feminists if they don’t get asphyxiated by pink and forced into dresses from the moment they take their first breath? Maybe mothers need to grow up and start providing an enriched environment that breeds equality and creativity for their daughters, not just see them as a wriggling dolly made of flesh, bone and muscle that they can dress up at will and play happy stupid housey housey with.

Little girl who wants to be just like her mother.

Lessons start early for little girls.

Children should be wearing clothes they can run, climb and jump in. A flirty dress and lacy tights aren’t practical attire for anyone, except hookers, nor are they going to be particularly effective as a paedophile repellent. I mean they do want to repel paedophiles don’t they?

We human beings are obsessed with gender, and our society has ‘created’ differences between the two sexes, forcing those differences on us at every opportunity from the moment we are separated from the umbilical cord.

There is no reason for little boys and girls to have different toys or different clothes to one another.

Girls playing rugby

These ladies clearly didn't wear pink dresses when they were little girls.

When I was a child I was given Christmas presents such as dolls, a baby ironing board, a mini vacuum cleaner and a small plastic cooker, so I could pretend to look after children, clean and cook, so that when I was older I knew exactly what was expected of me. Me and my brother (who was male) used to play together. I used to pull the heads of my dolls and we used to kick them around the garden. We built spacecrafts out of old boxes and pretended to be the characters from 70s sci-fi shows like Logan’s Run and Space 1999. Sometimes my characters were male and sometimes they were female. Much as they are now, my vacuum cleaner, ironing board and cooker remain pretty much unused, gathering dust and providing an assault course for ambitious spiders. And I am still – thank god – childless.

Little girls will have plenty of time to dress like microtarts or princesses when they are older. Between the ages of 0 and hitting teenage, perhaps we should let them be what they are, fairly genderless little human beings. They will be bombarded by gender roles from their mothers, sisters, school friends, neighbours and in the media in good time.

Perhaps if most little girls weren’t brought up to care more about their appearance than the world around them; and maybe if little boys weren’t brought up participating in competitive sports and encouraged to play aggressive games, there would be less hostility in the world, more intelligent well-rounded and functional people – maybe the different genders would find out they had more in common than society would have us believe, and perhaps the world would be a slightly better place.

If you are male and would like to make a comment about gender roles in society, please insert it in the comment box below. If you are female and have a comment to make, please shut up and get back to the ironing.

Images: musicrooms.net, steroidsonlinebible.com, cutcaster.com, riyaagnihotri.com, mirror.co.uk

Potential risks associated with postponing childbirth

For a host of reasons, from getting married later to establishing a successful career and establishing financial security, more now than ever woman are trying to beat the biological clock.

At the beginning of the 1970s the average first-time mom was between 23  and 25. Today in many countries, predominantly — but not restricted to — European countries, first-time mothers are crossing the 30-year threshold.
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Generally, a woman is at her most fertile between the age of 25 and 35. According to economist Lester Thurow, however, these are also “the prime years for establishing a successful career” and an increasing number of career-minded women are opting opting to postpone childbirth.

Not only does one’s fertility decrease as one gets older –irrespective of how healthy you are — but  with an advanced maternal age the number of risks increases. At 25, for instance, a woman has about 1 chance in 1250 of having a baby with Down syndrome. At 35 this increases to a 1 in 400 chance, and at age 45 there is a 1 in 30 chance.

Other increased risks associated with having a baby after the age of 35 include having a greater likelihood of developing high blood pressure and diabetes. Women are also more likely to suffer a miscarriage or stillborn the older they are. Having a low weight baby or giving birth prematurely are also things to take into consideration.

Today, of course, there is technology available to help older women fall pregnant with assisted reproductive technology (ART), from IVF, GIFT, ZIFT, donor eggs and more. The debate that continues to rage is about what the cut-off age should be for assisted reproductive procedures.

What do you think – should there be a fixed cut-off date, or should the individual be allowed to make that decision?

Read here about Nicole Kidman, whose baby was carried by a surrogate mother.

Images: Wikimedia Commons and